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Senseless Fear

the icy fingers of fear grip my heart,
paralizing me.
my heart seems to stop,
yet, i am still breathing.
outside, i look normal,
but on the inside, the fear is overwhelming.
its suffocating me.
i cant stand it anymore.
why cant i be like everyone else?
why is it so hard for me to be around other people?
no, not other people...
strangers.
even though i know these people,
they are still strangers, hiding all their secrets,
silently judging me when they dont even really know me.
how can they know me,
when i dont even know myself.
did i ever know myself?
afraid to know the answer,
i push the thoughts away.
unable to handle this anymore,
i must escape.
running to my room,
i get the false sense of safty.
slamming my door,
i turn up my music.
the fear is slowly fading...
curling my body into a tiny ball,
and hugging a pillow as though it was my life line,
i feel exhasted.
sleep slowly creeps up on me.
the fear is now gone,
but only for the moment...