Engels controle
 

Hallo iedereen, zou iemand dit stukje hieronder even controleren en waar nodig is verbeteren. Harstikke bedankt alvast!(y)

My speech is about modern football. I believe football is ruined by modern football. In modern football rule money and commerce. So my statement is modern football should be banned, I give a few arguments.

My first argument against modern football is about the schedule. Media companies determine the schedules, without regard to the fans. This is not fair to the fans who a lot of time, money and energy into the club stabbing. So there must be a fixed schedule.

Secondly, the tickets are too high for many fans. Many fans can not go to the stadium, these places are now for the sponsors. This is not good for the atmosphere in the stadium. Look at the prices for the Champions League matches of Ajax. Prices must be reduced, football is not a product but a sport.

Thirdly, I find it ridiculous that sponsors provide the name of the stadium. A good example is the club Red Bull Salzburg. The club was sold and destroyed by drink company Red Bull. The name, the logo and the colors are adapted to Red Bull.

Fourthly, many pitches replaced by chairs. For the safety say the football bosses, but they would prefer calm fans instead of fanatical fans. There are many stadiums that have pitches, but this stadiums are safe. Look at the stadium of FC Bayern München.

So money and commerce play an important role in modern football. After scoring a goal , you may not take off your shirt. Why? Because the logo of the sponsor is not visible. This goes too far.

This was my speech, I hope you’re convinced.

Nog maals, alvast erg bedankt!

My speech is about modern football. I believe football is ruined by modern football. In modern football money and commerce rule (Of je kunt zeggen: "Modern football is all about money and commerce." Het woordje 'commerce' is hier wel eenbeetje ongelukkig gekozen.. So my statement is: "Modern football should be banned. I will (of: I am going to) give a few arguments.

My first argument against modern football is about the schedule. Media companies determine the schedules, without regard for the fans. This is not fair to the fans who puta lot of time, money and energy into the club. So there must be a fixed schedule. (Who should 'fix' these schedules?)

Secondly, the tickets are too high for many fans. Many fans can not go to the stadium, these places are now for the sponsors. This is not good for the atmosphere in the stadium. Look at the prices for the Champions League matches of Ajax. Prices must be reduced, football is not a product but a sport. (De eerste paar zinnen zijn nog een beetje vaag)

Thirdly, I find it ridiculous that sponsors provide the name of the stadium. A good example is the club Red Bull Salzburg. The club was sold and destroyed by drink company Red Bull. The name, the logo and the colors are adapted to Red Bull. (Is de club verkocht door Red Bull?)

Fourthly, many pitches are replaced by chairs. For the safety, say the football bosses, but they would prefer calm fans instead of fanatical fans. There are many stadiums that have pitches, and are safe at the same time. For example, the stadium of FC Bayern München.

So money and commerce play an important role in modern football. After scoring a goal , you may not take off your shirt. Why? Because the logo of the sponsor is not visible. This goes too far.

This was my speech, I hope you’re convinced.

---

Ik denk niet dat ik door zo'n speech overtuigd zou zijn. Je legt veel te weinig uit, je gaat ervan uit dat men wel begrijpt waar je het over hebt, maar dat is niet zo.

Secondly, the tickets are too high for many fans. klopt niet omdat er niets staat over de prijs. er staat nu de kaartjes zijn te hoog voor sommige fans

Dan verbeter je het gelijk voor hem .... :facepalm:

Moet dus zijn:
Secondly, the ticket prices are too high for many fans.

Haha, niet eens gezien. Ik ging ervan uit dat er ergens wel het iets van 'price' tussen stond.:o

My speech is about modern football. I believe football is ruined by the modern approach to it. Commercialism is what modern football is all about. My statement is: modern football should be banned. I will now explain to you why...

(Geef NOOIT een conclusie in je inleiding: dat kun je pas doen in het slot, als je al je argumenten hebt behandeld en je dus ook een conclusie KAN trekken)

First of all, media companies determine the schedules, without regard to the fans. This is not fair to the fans, since they put lots of time, money and energy into the club the support. They make the very existence of the game possible, so they should have a say.

Secondly, the tickets to a game are too expensive for many fans. Many fans can not afford to visit the stadium. Tickets to Champions League matches of Ajax, for instance, are €...... The spaces left by the fans are now occupied by the sponsors. This is not good for the atmosphere in the stadium. Prices must be reduced, football is not a commodity but a sport.

Also, I find it ridiculous that sponsors provide the name of the stadium. A good example is the club "Red Bull Salzburg". The club was sold and destroyed by the energy drink company "Red Bull". The name, the logo and the colours are adapted to Red Bull. (als je de Britse term voor voetbal gebruikt, moet je het Engels van Groot-Brittanië ook consequent gebruiken; geen 'colors', maar 'colours' dus)

Furthermore, many pitches have been replaced by chairs for safety reasons, the football bosses say, but they would prefer calm fans instead of overly fanatical fans. However, various stadiums show, that the replacement of pitches is not necessary. There are many stadiums that have pitches, yet these stadiums are safe. The stadium of FC Bayern München is a good example of this.

So money and commerce play an important role in modern football. After scoring a goal , you may not take off your shirt. Why? Because the logo of the sponsor is not visible. This goes too far. (een conclusie is een samenvatting van al vertelde informatie, maar deze informatie is nieuw! Voeg een alinea toe om dit laatste punt uit te lichten.)

This was my speech, I hope you have been convinced.

(Je legt niet genoeg uit over voetbal en al helemaal niet waarom alles wat jij noemt te maken heeft met commercialisatie van het spel. Jij hebt onderzoek gedaan naar dit onderwerp, maar de rest van je klas niet. Neem dus ook niet te snel aan, dat je klasgenoten evenveel van het onderwerp weten als jij)

Of gewoon ''Secondly, the tickets are too expensive for many fans.'' :p