Scholieren.com forum - Letter for Mommy...

Dear Mommy
I sing my dreams
And you laugh
I write my hopes
And you sneer
I try my best
Yet still you look disappointed
I tried I really tried
Yet nothing
Nothing is good enough for you
Or me
You choose everything you want from me
What about me?
What I want from you?
Is it so terrible to give me a hug
To smile and show me you care
Maybe even that I'm loved
I write this down now
Cause you will not read it till one day when it doesn't matter
When I won't be able to see your sneer
When I will not be around to feel your hate
I am sorry to burden you
I didn't mean for this to be my life
I'm trying different ways
Researching suicide methods
Ones that will always work
But will not leave you with a mess to clean up
The best would be to leave and die
Then I won't even have been in your house
But I can't move from my bed
Paralyzed like I am
That isn't a guilty trip
I know you never ment to fall asleep while driving
I should have not tired you so much
With all my questions
You answered them all
Always smiling about it
You loved me then
I wish I had died in that accedent
I know you wished it too
I see it in your eyes
When you think I am too drugged up to remember
I hear you tell me you want me dead
It would be easier when you think I am asleep
I am sorry..........That I lived.
I will make it up to you mommy
That way then you won't have to cry
I will make it better now
Now I know how to die
I stole a knife mommy
And I ripped up one of your sheets
It was an ugly one you never liked anyways
Half of it is under me
So I don't make a mess
The rest is torn into strips
To soak up most of the blood
I slit my wrists mommy
And down my legs
The padding should soak up the blood
And not ruin the bed
I hope so anyways
It hurt mommy
To know you do not want me here
But I will go away mommy
Not even pestering you as a ghost
To bother you even when I am dead
I will stay away mommy
Forever.......