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Voice

Everyone's got a voice in his head,
which tells him what's good and what's bad.
Either the right one, or the left,
I just don't know what I want,
so I'll just choose the theft.

Daily walking in the streets,
in the city,
not knowing what she needs,
what a pity.

For weeks now she's walking,
bleeding, hurt,
molestating doors, sleeping in dirt,
stealing light,
to enlighten the night.

Daily walking in the streets,
in the city,
not knowing what she needs,
what a pity.

There he stood,
gently holding the door:
"Why do you sleep in mud,
is it my voice you're looking for?"

Daily walking in the streets,
in the city,
not knowing what she needs,
what a pity.

Jammer altijd dat Engels. Maar goed:

Citaat:

Tofke's_Ma schreef op 20-10-2004 @ 23:26 :
Voice

Everyone's got a voice in his head,
which tells him what's good and what's bad.
Either the right one, or the left,
I just don't know what I want,
so I'll just choose ~~the theft~~.

~~Daily~~ Walking the streets everyday,
in the city,
not knowing what she needs,
what a pity.

For weeks now she's been walking,
bleeding, hurting,
molestating(Ze valt deuren sexueel lastig :confused: ?) doors, sleeping in the dirt,
stealing light,
to light up the night.

Daily walking in the streets,
in the city,
not knowing what she needs,
what a pity.

There he stood,
gently holding the door for her:
"Why do you sleep in the mud?
is it my voice you're looking for?"

Daily walking in the streets,
in the city,
not knowing what she needs,
what a pity.

Het moge duidelijk zijn dat het hier om een songtekst gaat - en niet een erg goede. Voor een tekst die op ritme gezongen dient te worden, mis ik nogal wat ritme. Zelfs al moet het niet gezongen worden, dan nog mis ik ritme. Woordenschat is mager. Engels is matig. Onderwerp cliché. Metaforen eveneens cliché. De punt van het gedicht mij onduidelijk. De interpunctie irritant. Maar voor de rest is het best goed.