Zou iemand mijn engels brief kunnen nakijken?

[hm01]

Ik moet een soort van sollicitatiebrief schrijven naar een hostel waar ik volgend jaar wil gaan werken. Als iemand er even naar zou willen kijken, zou heel fijn zijn!


Dear Sir/Madam,

first of all I would like to introduce myself. My name is Harriet. I live in Holland, a small country in Europe. This year is my final year of high school. So if everything will go well, in a month I will be graduated. I am planning on taking a gab year abroad. This is because I do not really have a clue about what I want to study and I just think it will be great experience for me. I am planning on going to South America and Mexico is one of the countries that really appealed to me.

On the ‘ workaway website’ I saw you are offering volunteer work. I find it really interesting that the volunteers are able to do very various jobs. At first I am willing to do any kind of jobs, but I really like to show my creativity and improve my organizing skills by organizing all different activities for the guests. I believe my skills and interest will match well with your hostel and the volunteer you are looking for. I have always been interested in working in a hotel, because of the way you will work with people and I am curious in the way it works to have a hotel, and in your case a hostel. My other interest have always been ‘people’. I am pretty sure I want to do a study in the direction of social sciences. Currently I am working in a shop where I already have worked for two years, so I already have some experience in dealing with people in different situations.

What may cause a problem is that I cannot speak Spanish yet. My English on the contrary is pretty good. However I want to take Spanish lessons after my graduation, so I will be well prepared when I leave to South America. I will be off from June, so I will have a couple of months to take Spanish lessons.

I will certainly be available for a few months. Then we could see how it works. Maybe I will travel to another country, but I have not planned anything yet. Enclosed please find my Curriculum Vitae.

Taken al in consideration, I think it will be a great experience for me to go to Mexico. If I could help volunteering in your hostel I think I could really contribute something.

Thank you in advance for your attention.

Sincerely,

[mathfreak]

*ik geef hieronder de tekst met de nodige correcties weer*
Dear Sir/Madam,

First of all I would like to introduce myself. My name is Harriet. I live in the Netherlands, a small country in Europe. This year is my final year of secondary school. So if everything will go well, I will pass my exams in a month. I am planning on taking a gap year abroad. This is because I do not really have a clue about what I want to study and I just think it will be a great experience for me. I am planning on going to South America, and Mexico is one of the countries that really appeal to me.

On the ‘ workaway website’ I saw you are offering volunteer work. I find it really interesting that the volunteers are able to do very various jobs. At first I am willing to do any kind of jobs, but I really like to show my creativity and improve my organizing skills by organizing all different activities for the guests. I believe my skills and interests will match well with your hostel and the volunteer you are looking for. I have always been interested in working in a hotel, because of the way you will work with people and I am curious in the way it works to have a hotel, and in your case a hostel. My other interest has always been ‘people’. I am pretty sure I want to do a study in the direction of social sciences. Currently I am working in a shop where I already have worked for two years, so I already have some experience in dealing with people in different situations.

What may cause a problem is that I cannot speak Spanish yet. My English on the contrary is pretty good. However I want to take Spanish lessons after passing my exams, so I will be well prepared when I leave to South America. I will be off from June, so I will have a couple of months to take Spanish lessons.

I will certainly be available for a few months. Then we could see how it works. Perhaps I will travel to another country, but I have not planned anything yet. Enclosed please find my Curriculum Vitae.

Taken all in consideration, I think it will be a great experience for me to go to Mexico. If I could help volunteering in your hostel I think I could really contribute something.

Thank you in advance for your attention.

Sincerely,

[fizzle-fluffy]

Je kunt wel 'thank you in advance' zeggen, of 'thank you for your attention', maar nu bedank je de geadresseerde aan het einde van je brief 'in advance' voor hun oplettendheid. Dat kan dus niet!

[Dasherman]

fizzle-fluffy schreef:

Je kunt wel 'thank you in advance' zeggen, of 'thank you for your attention', maar nu bedank je de geadresseerde aan het einde van je brief 'in advance' voor hun oplettendheid. Dat kan dus niet!

Inderdaad, ze hebben al op je brief gelet wanneer ze aankomen bij het einde.

Nog kleine dingetjes uit Mathfreak's versie:

"So if everything will go well, in a month I will pass my exams." klinkt raar, "So if everything will go well, I will pass my exams in a month." klinkt beter. Misschien zijn ze allebei correct, en dan kun je het wel zoals in Mathfreak's versie houden.

"I am planning on going to South America, and Mexico is one of the countries that really appeals to me.". "appeals" moet hier "appeal" zijn. Het onderwerp is niet "Mexico", maar "the countries"

[mathfreak]

Dasherman schreef:

Nog kleine dingetjes uit Mathfreak's versie:

"So if everything will go well, in a month I will pass my exams." klinkt raar, "So if everything will go well, I will pass my exams in a month." klinkt beter.

Ik heb het inmiddels aangepast.

Dasherman schreef:

"I am planning on going to South America, and Mexico is one of the countries that really appeals to me.". "appeals" moet hier "appeal" zijn. Het onderwerp is niet "Mexico", maar "the countries"

Ook dit heb ik inmiddels aangepast.

[DiceGFX]

Dasherman schreef:

Nog kleine dingetjes uit Mathfreak's versie:

"So if everything will go well, in a month I will pass my exams." klinkt raar, "So if everything will go well, I will pass my exams in a month." klinkt beter. Misschien zijn ze allebei correct, en dan kun je het wel zoals in Mathfreak's versie houden.

Ik vind dit dan beter klinken: So if everything goes well, ..

Bovendien hoort de zin daarvoor te zijn: This year WILL BE ..

[Joke:D]

is het nou nog niemand opgevallen dat 'gap year' met een b in plaats van met een p gespeld is?

Ik zou trouwens zeggen 'So if all goes well, this time next month, I will have passed my exams'
'I find it really interesting' --> 'I think it's really interesting'
'my skills and interestS'
'because of the way you will work with people' loopt niet erg goed
'I am curious in the way it works to have a hotel' --> 'I am curious about how it is to have a hotel'
'However I want to take Spanish' --> 'I do, however, plan to take Spanish'

[mathfreak]

Joke:D schreef:

is het nou nog niemand opgevallen dat 'gap year' met een b in plaats van met een p gespeld is?

Ik heb het inmiddels aangepast.

Joke:D schreef:

'I find it really interesting' --> 'I think it's really interesting'

It is moet in dat geval volledig worden geschreven omdat in een formele tekst geen samentrekkingen mogen worden gebruikt.

Joke:D schreef:

'my skills and interestS'

Ik heb het inmiddels aangepast. Een eind verderop stond have in plaats van has, maar dat heb ik in mioddels ook aangepast.

[Joke:D]

mathfreak schreef:

It is moet in dat geval volledig worden geschreven omdat in een formele tekst geen samentrekkingen mogen worden gebruikt.

klopt, maar ik heb alleen de niet lopende zinnen gekopieerd dus ik had geen briefmodel meer, en dan ga ik automatisch dingen samentrekken

[xVeerle]

Gap year is wel met een P !! Even voor de verwarring, ga maar effe zoeken, gap is een gat, niet gab.

[mathfreak]

xVeerle schreef:

Gap year is wel met een P !! Even voor de verwarring, ga maar effe zoeken, gap is een gat, niet gab.

Zie mijn vorige reply.

[xVeerle]

Ah, ik had het verkeerd begrepen Ik dacht dat Joke bedoelde dat gap year met een p niet correct was
sorry!

[mathfreak]

xVeerle schreef:

Ah, ik had het verkeerd begrepen Ik dacht dat Joke bedoelde dat gap year met een p niet correct was
sorry!

Geen nood. Dat de topicstaarter gab year had geschreven heeft waarschijnlijk te maken met het feit dat Engelse woorden eindigend op een b vaak door Nederlanders worden uitgesproken met een p-klank op het eind.