Verbeter a.u.b. mijn Engelse Samenvatting.

[sten-vvv]

Hallo,
Kunnen jullie a.u.b. mijn fouten uit de samenvatting halen?
Bedankt!


Short summary of the Scream:

The story "The Scream" is about Anna who is on vacation in Spain.
On a very hot day she is going to the theme park with Mary and Mom.
In the theme park is a rollercoaster, called "The Scream". (therefore the title The Scream.)
Anna and mom dare not in the rollercoaster.
Only Mary goes into the rollercoaster the scream! And Anna wait for her near the exit.
But when Mary comes out the rollercoaster she's very desperate, and started to cry.
Her mother is not there and Anna doesn't know what happen to her.
Mary said that she had lost the rucksack with all the money, keys, tickets ect.
Anna shocked and thinks she must going back to find the rucksack.
But she is very desperate and she's not planning to go back.Anna said "wait here, don't move"
"I'm going to go and find the rucksack."
But it works out, she didn't find the rucksack and must endure the ride.
Mary and her mother were standing outside beside the doorway as she came out.
Anna's eyes settled on the brown leather rucksack slung over her sister's shoulder.
Almost as if it had never movedfrom its current position….

[Dinalfos]

sten-vvv schreef op 20-11-2005 @ 16:32 :
Hallo,
Kunnen jullie a.u.b. mijn fouten uit de samenvatting halen?
Bedankt!


Short summary of the Scream:

The story "The Scream" is about Anna, who is on a vacation in Spain.
On a very hot day, Anna, her mom and Mary(her sister) decide to take a trip to a theme park. Inside this theme park is a rollercoaster called "The Scream". (therefore hence the title of this summary.)
Anna and her mom are overwhelmed and intimidated by the sight of it, and decide not to go along.
So only Mary decides to ride the rollercoaster, while Anna waits for her at the exit. But when Mary exits the cart, anna notices that she's completely shocked and teary-eyed. Her mom is nowhere to be found and Anna wonders what she's doing.
Mary said she had lost the rucksack containing all the money, keys, tickets ect.
Anna prompts to go back inside to look for it, But Mary still hasn't fully recovered from her dazzling ride and refuses to come along. Anna said "wait here, don't move"
"I'm going to go and find the rucksack."
Unfortunately, Anna's search soon proves to be rather futile and she has no other choice but to ride the rollercoaster to reach the exit. Once back outside, Anna finds Mary AND her mother(who, apparantly, rejoined the group while Anna was inside) to be waiting. Anna's eyes settle on the brown leather rucksack slung over her sister's shoulder.
Almost as if it had never moved from its current position….

Ik vond het een beetje een raar verhaal, eerlijk gezegd. De strekking is te begrijpen, maar niet echt sterk verwoord. Verder moet je leren wat consequenter te zijn voor wat betreft tijd. Wellicht dat ik zelf ook het een en ander of het hoofd heb gezien, maar toch...

Short summary of the Scream:

The story "The Scream" is about Anna who is on vacation in Spain.
On a very hot day she is going to (geen continuous - 'goes to') the theme park with Mary (wie is dat?) and Mom.
In the theme park is a rollercoaster (duidelijk een letterlijke vertaling, in het Engels wordt meestal 'the theme park has a roller coaster' gebruikt) , called "The Scream". (therefore the title The Scream.)
Anna and mom dare not in the rollercoaster. (Goede constructie, maar past niet echt in het hele verhaal)
Only Mary goes into the rollercoaster the scream (hoofdletters?)! And (nooit de zin met 'and' beginnen. Plak dan de twee zinnen aan elkaar) Anna wait (of 'Anna waits' of 'Anna and her mom wait'( for her near the exit.
But when Mary comes out the rollercoaster she's very desperate, and started to cry.
Her mother is not there and Anna doesn't know what happen (verleden tijd - 'happened') to her.
Mary said that she had lost the rucksack with all the money, keys, tickets ect ('etc', 'et cetera' of 'and so forth').
Anna (mist een woord - 'is') shocked and thinks she must going (niet continuous gebruiken - 'go') back to find the rucksack.
But she is very desperate (eh? wat is ze precies? 'Desperate' past hier niet) and she's not planning to go back.Anna said "wait here, don't move" (Probeer dialoog in een samenvatting te vermijden tenzij het sleutelzinnen zijn. Probeer een zin te maken met 'Anna told Mary to..')
"I'm going to go and find the rucksack." (Idem)
But it works out, (Maakt de zin erg onduidelijk. Wissen?) she didn't find the rucksack and must endure the ride.
Mary and her mother were standing outside beside theoorway as she came out.
Anna's eyes settled on the brown leather rucksack slung over her sister's shoulder.
Almost as if it had never movedfrom its current position….



Ik ben het met Dinalfos eens dat je een op tijden moet letten. Ik vind het echter een goed te begrijpen verhaal, met uitzondering van een paar puntjes.

[T_ID]

sten-vvv schreef op 20-11-2005 @ 16:32 :
Short summary of the Scream:

The story "The Scream" is about Anna who is on vacation in Spain.
On a very hot day she goes to the theme park with Mary and her mother. In the theme park there is a rollercoaster which is called "The Scream" (which explain the title of the movie). Anna and her mother don't dare to go in the rollercoaster.
Only Mary goes. Anna decides to wait for her at the exit.
When Mary comes out the rollercoaster she's looks desperate, and starts to cry. Her mother is not there and Anna doesn't know what has happened to her. Mary says that she had lost her rucksack with all the money, keys, tickets ect.
Anna is shocked and realizes that they must find the rucksack.
Mary is very desperate and she refuses to go back in to get their belongings.
Anna does, but she doesn't find the rucksack and must endure the entire ride. Mary and her mother were standing outside beside the doorway as she came out.
As she comes out Anna's eyes settle on the brown leather rucksack which is slung over her sister's shoulder, as if it had never moved from it's position….

Let op de tijden. "is going to the theme" betekent dat de hoofdpersoon nu nog steeds naar het pretpark moet gaan. Voor een film geen goede tijd om te gebruiken dunkt me. Het gebruik van leestekens is ook een beetje dubieus, wat doet een uitroepteken uberhaupt in een samenvatting... Let verder op met verwijzen, als je in een zin twee personen noemt en daarna refereert met 'she' wordt het onduidelijk wie je nu precies bedoelde. "mom" is spreektaal, nooit gebruiken tenzij je uitspraken aan het citeren bent.