Kan iemand misschien mijn Engelse stukje (klein stukje) nakijken?

[joyceje]

Kan iemand misschien mijn Engelse stukje nakijken.
Ik moet een creatieve opdracht maken van het boek Tom Sawyer, dus ik dacht, laat ik een krantenartikel maken.
Maar ik ben niet echt heel goed in Engelse tijden
kan iemand misschien daarna kijken..
alvast heel erg bedankt!

Wanted
Injun Joe
$ 2000
Last night Injun Joe is escaped.
On November the 14th at midnight he has killed the young
Dr. Robinson without a reason.
First he blamed Muff Potter. Everybody believed Injun Joe, because Muff Potter is a drunk and he didn’t know anything about that night, because he had drunken again.
But last night Tom Sawyer has saved Muff Potter by telling the truth, because Tom and his friend Huck had seen everything. They had seen how Injun Joe killed Dr. Robinson. After the story of Tom, Joe is escaped…
We want him back, so we can punish him for the deed he had done. If you see him of you hear things about him, you can call this number: 063-5829384.
If you can get him, you get the price of $2000!!
We hope you’ll help us, because WE WANT HIM, DEAD OR ALIVE!

[MickeyV]

joyceje schreef op 04-01-2007 @ 21:30 :


Wanted
Injun Joe
$ 2000
Last night, Injun Joe (has) escaped.
On November (the) 14th at midnight he killed the young
Dr. Robinson without a reason.
First he blamed Muff Potter. Everybody believed Injun Joe, because Muff Potter is a drunk and didn’t remember anything about that night because he had been drinking again.
But last night, Tom Sawyer saved Muff Potter by telling the truth; Tom and his friend Huck had seen everything. They had seen how Injun Joe killed Dr. Robinson. After the account of Tom, Joe escaped…
We want him back, so we can punish him for the deed he has done (for the crime he has committed). If you see or you hear anything about him, you can call this number: 063-5829384.
If you can get him, you'll get the reward (prize is meer iets van een wedstrijd) of $2000!!
We hope you can help us, because WE WANT HIM, DEAD OR ALIVE!

[innogen]

Wanted: Injun Joe
$ 2000 REWARD

Last night Injun Joe has escaped.
On November the 14th at midnight he killed the young
Dr. Robinson without any reason.
At first Injun Joe blamed Muff Potter and everybody believed him. Muff Potter is known to be a drunkard and he did not know anything about that night, because he had been drinking again.
However, last night Tom Sawyer saved Muff Potter by telling the truth; Tom and his friend Huck had seen everything that had happened. They saw how Injun Joe killed Dr. Robinson.
After Tom came forth, Injun Joe escaped.
We want him back, so we can punish him for his evil crime. If you see him of hear things about him, please contact the sheriff.
If you give any information that will lead to his arrest, you will receive the $2000 reward.
We are hoping that you will help us, because WE WANT HIM, DEAD OR ALIVE!

--

Ik snap alleen je stukje niet zo goed. Hij zat dus al vast, terwijl iedereen hem geloofde. En toen de waarheid boven water kwam is hij ontsnapt. Beetje rare situatie, als men hem geloofde, waarom zat hij dan vast?
Anyway, ik zou dat mobiele nummer weghalen, als het echt in de tijd van Tom Sawyer moet afspelen in ieder geval.

[Al Murphy]

Even zonder naar schrijffouten te kijken.

Behalve dat je zegt dat je een krantenartikel hebt gegeven, is er niet maar dan ook niets waaraan dat te merken is.

Enkele aandachtspunten dus: zo'n kort krantenartikel moet in de eerste zin de essentie van je stuk bevatten. Die essentie is niet dat die kerel ontsnapt is, maar dat ze hem terug willen pakken.

In zo'n artikel worden mensen niet bij hun voornaam maar familienaam aangesproken.

"We want him back," what the fuck? Wie wil hem terug? De gazet?

If you see him of hear things about him,
-> roddelcircuit (c:

[MickeyV]

Voor de goede orde: mijn verbetering is de beste.

MickeyV schreef op 05-01-2007 @ 16:14 :
Voor de goede orde: mijn verbetering is de beste.

MickeyV schreef op 05-01-2007 @ 16:14 :
Voor de goede orde: mijn verbetering is de beste.

Mh, stukjes, maar je hebt veel van haar niet-lekker-lopende-maar-grammaticaal-wel-correcte verhaal laten staan

[joyceje]

Bedankt voor al jullie verbeteringen en op- of aanmerkingen!!
ik heb er eens even goed naar gekeken, en ik heb daarna mn stukje verbeterd enzow (tenminste, proberen te verbeteren ) en kheb er een krantenartikel inderdaad van gemaakt zo ongeveer, maar zitten er nu nog onwijze fouten in qua engels?

WANTED, INJUN JOE, $ 2000
ST. PETERSBURG – On November 14th at midnight Injun Joe killed the young Dr. Robinson without a reason. Today he has escaped. Look out for him, because he is very dangerous.

A gory knife had been found close to the murdered Dr. Robinson, and it had been recognized by somebody as belonging to Muff Potter, the drunk.
Also a belated citizen had come upon Potter and Injun Joe washing themselves in the branch that night. Injun Joe blamed Muff Potter.
Everybody believed Injun Joe, because Muff Potter didn’t remember anything about that night because he had been drinking again, and his knife had been found.

But today, Tom Saywer, a boy from our town, saved Muff Potter by telling the truth; Tom and his friend Huck had seen everything. They had seen how Injun Joe killed Dr. Robinson with the knife of Muff Potter.
After the account of Tom, Joe escaped…

Injun Joe always wears the same old clothes; a black hat, a brown old coat, one suspender supported his blue trousers and the seat of the trousers bagged low and contained nothing. He must be punished for the crime he has committed, so if you can get him, you’ll get the reward of $2000!


Alvast weer bedankt!

[MickeyV]

joyceje schreef op 07-01-2007 @ 22:13 :

Also, a belated citizen had come upon Potter and Injun Joe washing themselves in the branch that night.


Komma na "also". Wat bedoel je met "branch" hier?


Injun Joe blamed Muff Potter.
Everybody believed Injun Joe because Muff Potter didn’t remember anything about that night as he had been drinking again, and besides, it was his knife that had been found.

Aangezien ik van Morgan ook niet-grammaticale onvolkomenheden moet behandelen (), merk ik op, dat de aansluiting hier niet erg gelukkig is. Injun Joe geeft Muff de schuld van hun gezamenlijk douchen?

"as" ipv "because" om twee keer "because" vlak achter elkaar te vermijden.


Injun Joe always wears the same old clothes; a black hat, a brown old coat. One suspender supports his blue trousers and the seat of his trousers bagged low (???) and contains nothing (? behalve z'n achterwerk?). He must be punished for the crime he has committed, so if you can get him, you’ll get the reward of $2000!

Misschien kan iemand anders chocola maken van "low bagging trousers"

[joyceje]

met branch bedoelde ik meer... maar ik heb het maar veranderd in lake das tog wel goed

haha en bedankt Morgan en natuurlijk MickeyV voor het behandelen van de niet-grammaticale onvolkomenhede
ik heb er nu maar dit van gemaakt

Also, a belated citizen had come upon Potter and Injun Joe washing themselves in the lake that night. Yesterday Injun Joe blamed Muff Potter of the murd .

is het dan duidelijker..?

En van dat vage stukje met die low bagging trousers heb ik maar weggelaten, er stond zoiets in het boek..maar das inderdaad erg vaag. Tis nu zo: One suspender supports his blue trousers and the seat of his trousers. Dat kan ook best vind/hoop ik!

En bedankt voor de verdere verbeteringen