Engelse brief

Heeej allemaal,

Ik moest zo net een brief schrijven in het engels.
Zou iemand deze misschien willen nakijken op mogelijke fouten?

Dear marie
First let me introduce myself. My name’s Jonas Vekemans and I’m from Lille.
I’m 16 years old and I’m still going at secondary education. At the moment I follow the direction electro-mechanics, after I’m graduated I will look forward to find a good job to earn money.

I saw your advertisement in a magazine while I was waiting for a doctor appointment.
The expedition to the moon looks very exciting. I’d always love to get there someday.
I love to watch the moon and it’s incredible if you imagine how far it is away. If you then think about that you could get there somewhere, that’s more than amazing. So I would like to join the group!

If I was accepted to go on the expedition. I’m sure I would be a useful member. I can also speak three languages – Dutch, French and for sure English – And I like to meet other people who has the same ideas. I hasn’t a lot of experience but I’m always prepared to learn more things.
If there would be problems with the machine while the expedition is going on, I’ll always help to solve the problem.

I hope you will consider me for a place on the expedition and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely


Alvast heel erg bedankt!

Grtzz
Jonas

[June bug]

Verbeterd:

Dear Marie, (let op hoofdletter van naam en komma na de aanhef)


First let me introduce myself. My name’s Jonas Vekemans and I’m from Lille.
I’m 16 years old and I’m still attending secondary school. At the moment I follow the direction electro-mechanics, after I have graduated I will look forward to finding a good job to earn money.

I saw your advertisement in a magazine while I was waiting for a doctor's appointment.
The expedition to the moon looks very exciting. I have always dreamed of going there someday.
I love watching the moon and it’s incredible when you imagine how far away it is. If you then think about the possibility of getting there someday, that’s more than amazing. So I would like to join the group!

If I were to be accepted to go on the expedition. I’m sure I would be a useful member. I can also speak three languages – Dutch, French and for sure (??) English – and I like meeting other people who have the same ideas. I don't have a lot of experience but I’m always prepared to learn more things.
If there is ever a problem with the machine while the expedition is going on, I’ll always help to solve the problem.

I hope you will consider me for a place on the expedition and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely, (let op komma na afsluiting)

Qua woordkeuze is het allemaal best goed volgens mij alleen wat kleine grammaticale dingetjes. Achter 'for sure' heb ik vraagtekens gezet omdat ik niet weet wat je er precies mee bedoelt. Als je '...en natuurlijk Engels' bedoelt moet je er 'of course' van maken. Als je '... maar zeker (vooral) Engels' bedoelt moet je er 'especially' van maken.
Ook: haal alle afkortingen (zoals I'm en 'my name's') weg. In een brief is dit niet netjes.
Ik heb er geen perfecte brief van gemaakt, het moet ook wel jouw werk blijven. Alleen de echte fouten eruit gehaald.