Mijn eerste verhaal.

[Prince]

Ik heb een verhaal geschreven. Ik heb nog nooit een verhaal geschreven.

Maar toch geprobeerd, hijs wel engels:
Vertel me AUB wat je er van vind.

Chapter I
Finally the house was sold.

At the corner of the street where Theo lived there was a house sold. Soon after it was sold a new family was moving in.

He saw a moving van pull up to the house and behind it was a small compact car. the small car was a green, Wagon R. Out of the moving van stepped 3 hairy moving van guys. On the side of the van stood in big letters. MOVING YOUR HOUSE AT A LOW KOST. MOVEYOURBUTSS enterprise. The 3 guys walk to the back of the car and opened the big hatch.
Out of the small compact car stepped two people. A woman surly late 40's and a man some what older. The man was a sharp looking man. He had a suite and everything. It was obvious that they where married.

Theo walked up to the couple to introduce him self. "First impressions are very important" He say to him self. Walking past the Wagon R he glanced in. There he saw a girl sitting in the backseat with a backpack on her lap. Quickly he moved on. He couldn't see her that well but, his curiosity would get the best of him.
He walked up to the couple.

The woman ran to the van to make sure that nothing would get damaged. The man was startled by Theo, "Hello, I am Theo." "I live over there." Pointing at his house. "Hello Theo, I am Daniel forester." "Just call me Daniel." Theo nodded. They shook hands. He said that he was moving in with his daughter 'Susan.' Theo didn't hesitate to ask who the woman was. "Ow, that . That's my PA." "PA?" "Personal assistant." "Ow, Well I got to go." He wanted to get out of there after asking that question. He felt that he said something wrong. "But nice meeting you." "Yea, same here." "I'll tell my parent that you moved in." "You should meet them." "Sure."

Theo walked slowly past the car hoping to get a better look at the girl. He wasn't paying any attention to where he was going. Susan opened the door quite tiered after sitting in the car for some while. Theo bumped into the door, and fell rather clumsy on the street. The girl sitting in the car smiled at Theo. Theo had a grin on his face. She stepped out of the car and closed the door. Theo took a better look at the girl. She had white Nike’s on. A light grey mini skirt on, and a red t-shirt above that. She was about 1.65 cm. Theo had his white slippers on, grey pants and a grey shirt with no sleeve’s. "Are you, Ok?" Theo sat up. "Yea." He wanted to say more but it didn't come out. She helped Theo up. When he touched her Theo jump up with a renewed energy. "My, My, My name is Theo." "Hi Theo, I am Susan and.." before ending her sentence Theo said. "I just moved here." "Uuhhh, Yea." "I know." Those few seconds they looked into each others eyes. Theo was instantly in love. "Just call me Suse" said Susan. "No Prob Suse." Susan walked of to her new house. Theo just kept looking until she was in her house.
At this moment he knew that the summer would be great.

[Qimm]

Mja... what can I say... let op je engels... het loopt niet overal zoals het hoort. ok interpunctie verdient wat aandacht. Soms staat er een punt en ga je veder met een kleine letter. Ik heb het verhaal niet uitgelezen moet ik eerlijk bekennen Maar goed... let iig daar op!

[Type]

het engels is niet al te geweldig, waardoor het ook heel moeilijk wordt het verhaal interressant te vinden...

Zet het om in wat betere/interressantere engelse zinnen aub, en dan praten we wel verder

>>
Ow, en een engels verhaal met een Theo erin?
Theo is niet een naam die een engels persoon zou uitkiezen voor zijn hoofdrolspeler. Pak een engelse naam, komt natuurlijker over.

[clubje]

Ik zou zeggen: als het toch je eerste verhaal is, schrijf dan in het Engels. Je zal ook meer reacties hebben (velen lezen niet graag Engels).

Nederlands is trouwens een veel mooiere taal dan het Engel