Oud 08-07-2004, 13:36
CharmingPiper
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Hoi allemaal,

Dit is een zelfverzonnen aflevering van de serie Charmed ( elke vrijdag ± 20.30)
Dit heb ik een tijdje geleden al geschreven, dus als niet alles precies klopt met hoe de serie nu is, ligt het daaraan

Hij is in het Engels ( let maar niet op de spelling)
commetaar is welkom:

Charmed
Familie Reunion


Phoebe is on the addic, she is reading in the book of shadows. Then she comes on a page that starts glowing, and glowing. Three girls come out, who immediatly call her Aunt Phoebe.
VOORSTUKJE

Piper is cooking in the kitchen when Phoebe comes downstairs. She says she has something important and takes her upstairs, where Paige is waiting. Paige and Piper follow Phoebe to the addic. They see the 3 girls get in panic. They ask Phoebe what they are doing here, cause they can see the Book of Shadows. Leo also comes upstairs, and sees the girls. Phoebe sais that they came out of the book. Piper askes one of the girls who they are, and she sais: I'm Pearl, your doughter, from the future. This is Pilar, my older sister, and this is Penny, my cousin. Paige and Phoebe started laughing and ask Penny who her mother is. I'm Prue's doughter. Thats impossible, Piper and Phoebe shout, she's death. Still it is true, Penny sais, she had me with a warlock before she died. She gave me up for addoption. Piper, Paige and Phoebe can't believe what thay are seeing, and they all go downstairs. The girls explain that they are the Charmed Ones from the future, and that they need their help with a demon. The demon is also from the future, and he wants to kill Piper, so Pilar and Pearl are never being born. On that moment, a demon comes jumping true the window. He attacks and hit Piper. Then Pearl blows him up. So you have Pipers powers, Phoebe says, and what about the others. Pilar says that she has a combination of Prue's and Paige's powers. And Penny has Phoebe's powers. Paige and Phoebe want to know everything about the girls but Piper doesn't believe it. When she hears Wyatt crying she wents to him, and Leo asks teh girls if they know Wyatt. Pilar answers: Yes, he's my older brother, but in our time he's dead, sorry. Leo is in shock, he want to ask them as much questions as he can think on, but then he's gotting called by The Elders, and he goes to them. Pearl askes Phoebe several things and then she asks her if Leo is a Elder yet. Phoebe answers Yes, he is. Then Piper comes downstairs again with Wyatt on her arm. So this is your brother she sais. Yes he is, Pilar en Pearl says. We are sorry to come here, but this demon is comming here to, and he wants to kill you. Penny had a perminission about that. The six girls go to the addic. They are looking for a spell when the demon attacks. They don't know what to do, and Piper tries to freez him, but that doesn't work. Then Pilar gets an idea. Mom, I mean Piper and Pearl both try to freez him. They freez him, and he gets freezed. So this is our demon, Paige sais. So how do we have to vanquish him? Not, Leo sais. All the girls are looking to him, they hadn't nothiced him. Leo tells them what the Elders said. We decided that you all have to try to get him back to the future. He can't be vanquised with the things that are here. And I heared something upthere. You three have killed the underworld in the future. Thats very good. Paige, Piper and Phoebe are looking yealous to the other girls. No, Pearl sais. We didn't kill them, we blocked the enter. Demons can't go out or in. They aren't together anymore, that makes them week. Piper smiles. Still it is good from you. But if you are The Charmed Ones, are we death?? We cannot tell to much, Penny answers, but we can tell that there is great evil on it's way. The girls are looking to Leo. No, We can't tell you either. Paige remembers something and shouts: THE DEMON, can we focus on him, how are we getting him back. Let's look in the book, and Piper walks to the book. They started looking and looking, when Penny sais. Who unfreezed the Demon. They all look at the space were the demon was freezed, only he's gone. Oh, this isn't good, Pilar sais, he can't change this time, that is forbidden. We'll go looking, and Pilar and Pearl are orbing out. I'll follow them and Paige orbs out to. So, they can orb. Yes, Penny sais. that are Leo's powes, I'm a half warlock, so I can blink. Piper looks at Penny, and she sais. Prue and a warlock. That's impossible. No, it isn't, she didn't know and when she did find it out, she was already pregnant. She was ashamed and gave me up for addoption. Let go working on a spell. Good idea, Phoebe immediatly looks for paper and pencil, because she doesn't like the conversation very much. Paige returns and sais that the demon is away. Pearl and Pilar also return, and say that they can't find him. Phoebe looks at her watch and goes to work. Piper and Paige are making a posion and a spell, and Penny, Pearl and Pilar are looking for the demon to make sure that he doesn't chance something. Phoebe is working, when Cole comes (again). He wants to talk to her, because he still wants her back. Then Leo orbs in, he was also looking the demon. And he has been attackt by a darklighter and he has a arrow in his body. He falls down and Piper and Paige run to him.

RECLAME

Piper and Paige run to Leo, and kneel by his side. Piper says to Paige to get Phoebe. Now Leo is down they are target's. Paige orbs to the bathroom at Phoebe's work, and she walks to Phoebe's office. When she arrives the door is locked. The music is very loud, and she can't hear Paige calling. Paige must think of an idea, and when she has one, she walks back to the bathroom. In the Manor Penny returned, and when she sees Leo, she's kneels by his side to, Piper is too upsted to think, so Penny carries him to the coutch. She gets a glas of water to Piper, and she ask her, how she can help him, but then she remember's something. Leo is an Elder, so where is your whitelighter?? On that moment Pilar comes orbing in, she immidatly forgets why she came and runs to Leo. She get's the arrow out (Piper was to upset), and heals him. When she's healing her father, Pearl orbs in, together with Chris. She looks at him with an angry face, so Piper ask her: what is the problem?? He is, Pearl answers. We had the demon, when he comes and stats talking to us, because of that we lost him again. Chris is looking very guilty to the ground and says sorry. Done, pilar says and a the faces go to her. Dad is totally healed again, mom. Piper goes to Leo, and gives him a kiss. Who attackt you?? Leo says he doesn't know. he didn't see him or her. Everybody doesn't really know what to say, when Pearl get's a message (she is a half whitelighter), Penny, Paige is calling me to call you, you have to go to the Bathroom on Aunt Phoebe's work. And Penny blinks to the bathroom. Chris is wondering who the three girls are, and Pilar understands what he's wonderinmg. She walks to him and says: I'm Pilar, this is my sister Pearl, and the other girl is my cousin Penny, and you are?? I'm Chris, but how do you, why are you... Well, Pearl says, not with a very nice look in her eyes, we're Piper and Leo daughter's from the future, and Penny is also from the future, only she's Prue's daughter. Prue is death, or isn't she?? Yes, she is Leo interfears, but she had a daughter that we don't know about. Chris gets really interrested and asks: Who is your whitelighter, I'm from the future to acctualy. Pearl starts laughing, and Chris is asking himself what he sad. Pilar looks a bit mad at Pearl but says friendly to Chris. His name is Mark, and.. he is her boyfriend, Pearl says. Pilar is looking really mad to her now, that isn't really important!! But Pearl can't stop laughin. and when everybody looks at her, she stops, looks at Pilar and Piper and says to Chris. It's a familything, My grandmother had a relationship with her whitelighter too, and you know about Piper. Yes I know, because she's my mother too. Oh, so your the brother, sais Pilar. Pearl is still laughing but then she looks at Piper and noticed that she is the only one who things it funny, so start a totally other conversation. What are we doing with the demon. Well, Pilar says. He has to go back to the future, so we have to get him here and say the spell and throw the posion over him. At Phoebe's office Penny has freezed everybody, and Paige and orbs in Phoebe's office. Phoebe looks at her and get's mad. You can't do that, people can see it. It's ok, Penny has freezed them, but you turned the music really loud, and your door was locked. Yes, Cole was here, he still wants me back. But why are you here, do I have to come to the manor. Now wait for me at the exit and I'll come there in a minute. After these words Paige answers ok, orbs out, and when Penny unfreezed everybody, they went to the exit and Phoebe comes there to. The get home with the car and when they get home the come in the conversation. Piper is asking the rest How are we doing that?? And when she sees Phoebe, Paige and Penny she explained Pilar's plan. Well that's simple Paige says, the demon is after you, so we use you.

RECLAME

In the manor Piper, Phoebe and Penny are standing in the kitchen. Phoebe is holding a blocknote, and Piper and Penny are making a potion. Pilar and Paige come downstairs and tell the rest that they made a spell. Phoebe looks at her blocknote, and asks Piper and Penny when there potion is ready. Almost is the answer so she looks at her noteblock, and tells everyone, that they have to wait on Penny, she is looking for a way to give Piper orbpowers, so she can orb to the Manor. Piper says that the posion is ready and she gives everybody a bottly with the potion. When the demon gets this, he is weak for our spell, and he can't come back anymore. Now Penny comes downstairs, and says that they have a little problem. The only way for Piper to get orb power is to change powers with someone. Chris is in the livingroom and hears that, so he walks to the kitchen. I'll change my powers. But I't dangerous Penny answers. There can go much wrong. We'll take that risk Piper says. I did it before, long ago, to save Leo. And now he's an Elder and I don't see him much anymore. But, he's got his job, and I've got mine. Penny, give me the spell. And Chris follow me to the addic, the others can't stay with us, otherwise your powers can get changed to. And Chris and Piper walk upstairs. Phoebe, Paige, Pilar, Penny and Peals look at them and know they can't change their toughts. They repeat the plan again, and again, till Piper and Chris come downstairs. it worked, but I don't have my other powers anymore, so I'm weak. She shouts Leo, and Leo orbs in. Hunny, everything is ready, take Wyatt, he's in the livingroom to a save place, and only come back when we call you. And really soft she say to him: I love you, hunny. Leo smiles to her and says, I love you too. And he gets Wyatt and orbs out. Well, Piper says I'm going be ready for me, and she orbs out. The other ones go stand ready in the Hall. Piper orbs to a place were nobody is, and she´s is looking for the demon. A few seconds later, he arrives, and when he sees her he throws a fireball on her but she orbs back to the Manor. She gets standing ready and says quickly: A piece of Cake, when the demon blinks in. He looks suprised at the girls and Chris. But they trow the potion and read the spell. The demon get´s send back to the future and everybody is releaved. Then Pilar remembers het mother that she has to change the powers back. And they go upstairs. Pilar looks at Penny and Pearl and sais she has an idea. She tells them, but Phoebe and Paige can´t hear what they are saying. When Piper and Chris come downstairs again, and they tell them everything went oke, Pilar, Pearl and Penny say that they must go back by now, but they have a suprise for them. They ask Chris to get Leo, and the girls already go to the Addic. When they arrive, Leo, Wyatt and Chris just orb in. Pilar, Pearl and Penny say a spell, and then Penny (Granny) and Patty (Mom) disapeare, Piper, Phoebe and Paige, aren´t looking really impressed, they are a bit disapointed, because this isn´t new for them, but then Prue also disapeare, and Piper starts crying. Phoebe can´t believe it´s Prue, and Paige is telling Prue who she is, but Prue says that she already knows. She knows everything, she says to Piper that she really is proud at her, and says thesame to Phoebe. She says that she thinks that Wyatt is really pretty, and that she wants them to know, that she will always be there for them, and she is always watching them, and that she loves them very much. Penny looks at het mother and Prue says that she also loves her. Granny and Mom, Piper says. I love you too, and I miss you all o much. Girls, and she looks at Pilar, Pearl and Penny. this is the best suprise I ever had. Thank you, and she hugs them. Phoebe is also really happy to se the hole family together, but Paige is a bit yealous. But when Piper hugs her too, and tell her that she loves her too, she also is really happy. we have to go by now, Penny says, but it can wait, I meet my hole family, I never had you all together. And they all hug eachother.

THE END
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Oud 08-07-2004, 13:41
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Mijn engels is niet best, daarom heb ik het niet uitgelezen

wel weet ik dat

Phoebe is on the addic, she is reading in the book of shadows

attic met dubbel t hoort

Grim
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Oud 08-07-2004, 15:52
CharmingPiper
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Citaat:
Grim schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 13:41 :
Mijn engels is niet best, daarom heb ik het niet uitgelezen

wel weet ik dat

Phoebe is on the addic, she is reading in the book of shadows

attic met dubbel t hoort

Grim
Zoals ik al zei, let niet op de spelfouten
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Oud 08-07-2004, 15:57
-Melody-
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CharmingPiper schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 15:52 :
Zoals ik al zei, let niet op de spelfouten
Het is meestal wel handig om op de spelling te letten als je een verhaal schrijft..

Het kan aan mij liggen hoor..
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Moooore than words..
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Oud 08-07-2004, 16:19
Millroy
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hole family
Kind waarom schrijf je in het Engels als je die taal niet machtig bent? Ik heb het snel overlezen en kreeg er hoofdpijn van. Als je persé een aflevering van Charmed wil schrijven, schrijf dan in het nederlands of leer eerst Engels, dit zorgt wel voor humor hier en daar maar dat is je bedoeling niet
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Oud 08-07-2004, 17:21
duivelaartje
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Hoe oud ben je als ik vragen mag?

Umh, qua "verhaal". Ik hou niet van serie-verhalen, dus heb niet op de inhoud gelet. Maar zelfs ik met mijn brakke engels, kan hier heel veel fouten uit halen. Het is simpel geschreven, standaard woorden...

Verder, je gebruikt zoveel komma's en "and". Ook vergeet je hoofdletters en zet je dingen die gezegd worden niet tussen "..." Dus...
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Oud 08-07-2004, 17:24
Millroy
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16
Ik schat dat zij 13-14 is.
Als ik win, win ik.
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Oud 08-07-2004, 17:29
duivelaartje
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Millroy schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 17:24 :
16
Ik schat dat zij 13-14 is.
Als ik win, win ik.
He Mill, ik vroeg dat niet aan jou, suffie. Dat wist ik namelijk al.

Dat was aan de TS gericht...
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Oud 08-07-2004, 17:32
Nijn*
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Millroy schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 16:19 :
hole family
Kind waarom schrijf je in het Engels als je die taal niet machtig bent? Ik heb het snel overlezen en kreeg er hoofdpijn van. Als je persé een aflevering van Charmed wil schrijven, schrijf dan in het nederlands of leer eerst Engels, dit zorgt wel voor humor hier en daar maar dat is je bedoeling niet
Sprak de heerser ...maar hij heeft gelijk
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Oud 08-07-2004, 17:33
Millroy
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duivelaartje schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 17:29 :
He Mill, ik vroeg dat niet aan jou, suffie. Dat wist ik namelijk al.

Dat was aan de TS gericht...
DUH

Inderdaad sprak de heerser.
BUIGEN KIND
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Oud 08-07-2004, 17:58
-=TsA=- Silence
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*buigt??*

idd veel spel fouten, ik met mn dislectie kan het zelfs beter... niet lullig bedoelt maar studeer nog ff op het engels..... dan leest het makkelijker weg
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Oud 08-07-2004, 18:39
Eye of Sauron
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IK ben niet helemaal in deze serie, maar die drie dochter bleken later dus de overleden oma, moeder en zus te zijn, am I right?
Verhaal is leuk en trek je maar niets van die zeikerds aan met hun spelfouten. Het gaat om de inhoud vind ik.
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Oud 08-07-2004, 18:43
Millroy
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Oog, dit is letteren. Spelfouten doen ertoe. Als je wilt dat er niet op spelfouten gelet wordt, ga dan naar andere fora. Ze mag dit posten, maar dan moet ze op haar spelling letten.
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Oud 08-07-2004, 19:45
Droomvlucht
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Eye of Sauron schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 18:39 :
IK ben niet helemaal in deze serie, maar die drie dochter bleken later dus de overleden oma, moeder en zus te zijn, am I right?
Verhaal is leuk en trek je maar niets van die zeikerds aan met hun spelfouten. Het gaat om de inhoud vind ik.
Doordat het slecht engels is, en niet alleen qua spelling (ook qua zinsopbouw en grammatica) leest het niet lekker, oogt het heel simpel, en is het eigenlijk ook helemaal niet leuk om te lezen.

Misschien dat TS beter een Nederlandse versie van dit verhaal kan posten?
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Oud 08-07-2004, 20:09
Millroy
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Echo echo echo echo
Had ik al gezegd spinnenbeetje van me.
Maar ik geef toe, het was een uitspraak die nagezegd mocht worden. Onovertroffen briljantie
En ik voel me alleen hier .
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Oud 08-07-2004, 20:47
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Agree met wat hier boven staat, ik kwam helaas in mn eerste poging niet verder dan addic

Kom op Roy, we gaan samen heersen

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Nijn* schreef op 08-07-2004 @ 14:12 :
*lol heeft*
Ik krijg zowaar een complimentje van iemand die de kunst van het verbeteren beter begrijpt dan wie dan ook en een groots schrijver...Oeh


Grim
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