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Oud 21-06-2002, 16:42
AnTaRTiCa
AnTaRTiCa is offline
Little Fawn

A lone fawn surveys the medow
Sniffing the warm morning air
Noticing the birds starting to stir
Tis such a young fawn
It's mother long gone
Alone now in this world
It stands on the edge of the medow
Hiden behind some brush
Always watching
Always waiting........

The bear walks noisely through the bush
Munching on whatever catches its eye
Bear enjoys the warm sun of the day
Lazily he chases a butterfly
Leading out into a medow.........

The fawn sees the bear
Instinct tells her to turn and run
Yet curiousity keeps her feet still
She watches him play
Longing to join in his carefree ways
She sees the sun make his black fur look shiny and silky soft
An urge to touch this fur
Makes her take one unconscious step closer and then another...

The bear oblivious to his audience
Continues bounding through the medow
Now chasing the rabbit it scared from it's hiding spot
The bear trots closer to the forest edge...

The fawn watchs the bear play carelessly with the rabbit
Not hurting it
But playing roughly
The bear just doesn't understand it's own strength
Maybe I could teach him.............
Still her feet move closer
Until she is out of the hiden brush and past the forest edge
Now the fawn stands in the medow
So close to the bear.........

Suprised at this intruder
The bear stops playing with the limp rabbit
He stares at this dumb fawn
How dare she watch him
This is the most feared animal in this forest
And she caught him playing like a cub
Out raged he roars
And charges.....

Seeing the sudden change in character
The fawn looks at the now dead rabbit
And at the charging bear
Fear leeps into her eyes
Instinct wins out over curiousity
Turning she runs
But not before she feels his claws scrap across her back
Still she runs
Fear giving her added speed and strength
Bounding through narrow trees and brush
The bears size and speed is unable to keep up in the forest
Still she runs.......
Even after the bear gives up
She runs
Forever scarred from her stupid curiousity
Never again will she distrust her instinct
At a hint of interest she runs........
Until she dies one day
Alone.............
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Oud 24-06-2002, 10:54
In Your Room
Avatar van In Your Room
In Your Room is offline
mooi!!!
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Oud 24-06-2002, 14:30
Embraced Pale Death
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Embraced Pale Death is offline
bagger!!! waar koop jij je inspiratie?
sowwy, ik ben ff bezig jeloers aan t zijn...
tis (alweer) een très mooiig gediggie. K ga helemaal op in de sfeer, maar daar ben ik ook wel weer gevoelig voor...
Wederom goeie nieuwe originele woordjes
en ik mag die verhaal-stijl wel
want t is toch meer een verhaal dan een gediggie...
maar dansen op papier is ook mooiige verhaaltjes schrijven...

zo
greeties, Kaps
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Oud 30-06-2002, 10:43
pantzermench
pantzermench is offline
heeey laartjuhh...


ik wil ook zoown lieve schirijven!!


kusss stonede mandy?
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pffff i love wouter
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Oud 30-06-2002, 16:32
SounD
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SounD is offline
Laartjuh!

Dit is een verhaal en geen gedicht. Ben het niet mee eens dat hier verhalen horen, daar zijn andere fora voor. Niet dat ik het heel erg vind om een leuk verhaaltje op zijn tijd te lezen.

Wel aardig, helaas vol met fouten.
Sommigen daarvan zoals:

medow=>meadow
curiousity => curosity
brush = een kwast, bush = bosje

Zijn nogal storend omdat ze zo vaak terug komen. Omdat er zoveel spelfouten en gramaticale fouten inzaten, heb ik het even snel herschreven. Je moet zelf maar beide versies met elkaar vergelijken. Als je iets niet snapt of hulp nodig hebt email me.

x-je

SounD

nieuwe versie:


A lone fawn surveys the meadow
Sniffing the warm morning air
Noticing the birds starting to stir
It is such a young fawn
Its mother long gone
Alone now in this world
It stands on the edge of the meadow
Hidden behind some bushes
Always watching
Always waiting........

The bear walks noisily through the bush(es?)
Munching on whatever catches its eye
Bear enjoys the warm sun of the day
Lazily he chases a butterfly
Leading (him) out into a meadow.........

The fawn sees the bear
Instinct tells her to turn and run
Yet curiosity keeps her feet still
She watches him play
Longing to join in his carefree ways
She sees the sun make his black fur look shiny and silky soft
An urge to touch this fur
Makes her take one unconscious step closer and then another...

The bear oblivious of his audience
Continues bounding (geen idee wat je hiermee bedoeld) through the meadow
Now chasing the rabbit it scared from it's hiding spot
The bear trots closer to the forest edge...

The fawn watches the bear play carelessly with the rabbit
Not hurting it
But playing roughly
The bear just doesn't understand it's own strength
Maybe I could teach him.............
Still her feet move closer
Until she is out in the open/ out of hiding and past the forest edge
Now the fawn stands in the meadow
So close to the bear.........

SuRprised at this intruder
The bear stops playing with the limp rabbit
He stares at this dumb fawn
How dare she watch him (erg lelijke zin)
This is the most feared animal of this forest
And she caught him playing like a cub
In outrage he roars
And charges.....

Seeing the sudden change of mood
The fawn looks at the now dead rabbit
And at the charging bear
Fear leaps into her eyes
Instinct wins from curiosity
Turning she runs (beetje twijfelachtig of je omdraaiend kan rennen)
But not before she feels his claws scrapE across her back
Still she runs
Fear giving her added speed and strength
Crashing through young/thin trees and bushes
The bear is unable to keep up with her in the forest, due to his size and lack of speed.
Still she runs.......
Even after the bear has given up
She runs
Forever scarred because of her stupid curiosity
Never again will she distrust her instincts
At a hint of interest she runs........ (ik snap het gebruik van interest hier niet)
Until she dies one day
Alone.............
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