My modern love life

[Type]

Kraak dit zo veel mogelijk af

Ik weet nml ook wel dat het saai, slecht schrijven is. Maar het is het eerste dat ik schrijf in maanden, dus ik neem overal genoegen mee. Toch is dit niet goed genoeg. Dus: ik wil kritiek. Honest feedback.

En als je het echt leuk vind, tjah... dan hebben we een meningsverschil

And now, after it was all over, I realised what I'd done. And I realised that it was wrong. Socially speaking. Socially. Which is SO anything but relevant. I mean, we are talking about my life here. And even more important, my love life. Well, anyway, I screwed up. And, if you are interested, here you have the whole story. I start at the beginning, where all stories should be started.

Not so long ago, about... well, let's just say around new year. Somewhere around 2 'o clock. 4 past actually, and a few seconds of course. Around that time I walked in to my favourite disco> It's one of those places where you know everyone, are in love with half of the girls, but that's only because they look pretty when they go out, and where you get totally drunk every week. But this week wasn't like that, yes, because of New Year.
I myself just came back from some New Year's party, which I actually hate most of the time. All of those dull relatives and stuff, nah, not my fetish. Sorry aunts and uncles, but face it, you're boring people. For me at least, being a teenager and stuff.
But this year started out a bit differently. For starters I didn't have to spend New Year's at home, and I didn't see my parents, which, as a sixteen-year-old, I am supposed to find very annoying and infuriating, and who am I to change such a great structure in teenager-life, right? But to get to the point, a party, and then a disco. And yes, she was there. This lovely blonde angel of love and sweetness. Oooh, I could just feel my brain melt and my heart going mad. She is so perfect. And I'm so never going to stand a chance. Never. Ever. So I greeted all of my friends, whished them all the best of luck, while actually I didn't really care what the hell they were going to do this year, I listened to some boring new year's resolutions, and frankly, I'm getting quite sick of everyone trying to stop smoking every year. What is up with that people, and why the hell do you need the start of a new year to do that. Hmm, drifting away, daydreaming, bliss... Huh? My resolutions? Oh, not much. Find myself a new set of friends, friends that actually do have a life. Maybe, although I already know I'm too lazy to do that, and I know I'm too much of a cynical bastard to actually be endured by people other than my friends who've known me for years on end. Well hell, there you have it. My resolutions. Can I go back to daydreaming again?
Because still, at the other side of the bar, there she was. My best friend's ex-girlfriend, who I didn't really know at all, except for when I saw them together. I knew her name, knew her voice, knew her laughter, and carefully stored that info where it was easily retrievable whenever I thought of her. Because I did think of her. All day long, and I am sure nobody here will blame me for it. She is so perfect.

Hmm, well, I 'knew' her, and was because of that kind of obliged to walk up to her, and go through the same ritual as I went through with everyone that I had met today already. Well, I can tell you, I wasn't looking forward to this. I did want to talk to her, as I think you can understand, but a question kept burning in the back of my head. "Do you have the guts? You say you're crazy, you've been marked the 'man most likely to do anything', but do you have the guts to walk up to this... celestial being?"
She radiates, you know. A heavenly white light, not bright in your eyes, but it shines right into your soul. And yes, melts you from inside, like a hot knife through butter. Oh, and don't get me wrong about that knife-thing. It's a good feeling, the way she looks at you, a little shy, a little childish, with this sweet, naive but powerful little smile on her face. She knows she owns you, but still pretends to be cute and oblivious. And she does a good job too. And I think it was probably most because of this particular feeling that I did have the guts to walk up to her, chat a bit, start a small talk-conversation. You know, all the talking about nothing stuff, and starting this superficial little friendship.

You've probably had an odd, awkward, pleasantly-uncomfortable conversation. Talking to your idol, or the love of your life, that's how it feels. You're nervous, feel a little unstable, but you know she doesn't mind the little chit-chat. And you're enjoying it too, perhaps a little too much.

There were all these voices all around us, but they didn't matter. No, they were from somewhere out there, out of this world, out of this universe if I had anything to say about them. They were superfluous, because yes, I was actually talking to this creature of light. And she was talking to me, and it appeared that she liked it.

To prevent this from getting all too boring, I'll skip a few hours in time now.
So, we're outside, this angel and me, and, believe it or not, we are kissing. I actually have the privilege to... touch her. Hell, I have been granted the privilege to stick my tongue in her mouth. That says I did kind of a good job, doesn't it? Or that I totally screwed up any chance of friendship from here on. It wouldn't just be a one night stand, would it? Not just this little peek of heaven, just before they shut the gate again... Because that is something you must admit, o'erpurching those walls would be impossible. Even with love's light wings. Don't think like that now dude, come on, you're kissing with a gorgeous girl here, who cares if it's a one time thing. You did great, I'm proud of you. I see a little replica of myself, with a red cape around his shoulders, two cute little horns, red eyes, talking to me, whispering things in my ear, which kind of have a point.
Hmm, but what's that I hear, in my other ear? It looks like another little replica, but this one, strangely enough, has a white cape and a circle of light around his entire body. The red-caped guy looked more like me. Unfortunately, I realise that isn't a good thing...
No, this isn't a one night stand, because you're going to treat her well, face it, you're in love. Find love, treat this girl well, and find love, find enlightenment. Hmm, the guy in the white cape has a point too. I could go for that approach.

And so I did. I talked to her too; spend a few hours with her that evening. I came home way too late, but it didn't matter. I saw pink clouds everywhere, and not one kind of drug had anything to do with that. Could I... could I have actually done what the little white dude say, could I have found love?
I could try. I could test it... What'd I have to lose? My life as a single boy, but that wasn't a great sacrifice. I'm flexible, right, so I can bend to the ways of love too. I could even... I could try to be loyal. No man, I had to treat her right, as the little guy told me. 'Cause I guess he was right in a way.

And that too I did. I kept her safe, played boyfriend-girlfriend games, and expanded that friendship a bit, although it was still a bit superficial. But who cares right. I'm only sixteen, I didn't have to have a perfect relationship yet, I have enough time to work that all out. Although it would be great to stay with this girl. Hmmm, lovely. I bet she keeps a diary. Which is in no way relevant either, but does kind of add something to her sweetness level.

And then here we are now, a bit over two months later. And still I'm seeing her. And it's still as wonderful as it was that first night, or maybe even more wonderful, because I can now finally talk to her without feeling weak, nervous... Took me about a month to get over that "I'm the king of the world" feeling after every time I had the nerve to talk to her.

But still, I remain the same person. And I still have friends, and friendships and other kinds of relationships keep shifting in way of being, in place, some things become more important, other things drift out of sight. And I am now at a point where I have a chance to date my girl, and at the same time start affaires with 3 girls. And that's where the problems started.

Where is that perfect balance in life, that part where you start a friendship, let that friendship become a boyfriend-girlfriend issue, and still have close, non-sexual, relationships with other women. How do you stop yourself when you're in a position like mine? Should you control yourself, or should you just go with it. It's a chance, and you should grasp them with both hands, right?
I mean, nothing ever lasts forever, so you should seize the day, right? Carpe Diem, right? But is a stupid motto like that worth losing your relationship over. A relationship with this truly great girl, as I said, this angel. My mind says no, but hey, I'm a teenager, I have a hormone-system. Being a man, I have a dick, and he wants some action too, once in a while. And now, I can not do that with my current girlfriend, because I don't want to rush things, I like it just the way it is right now, and I know she's the kind of person that wants commitment before she gets intimate. Which I respect, and thus I take things easy...

But well, situations keep occurring, and you could say, oh, something like, my parents are out of town for a couple of days, my brother's getting some booty from his girlfriend, and wants me out of the house, and I would spend the night with this friend of mine. Female, 3 years older than I am, one of the three girls I could start something with if I wanted, although I guess it would be pure physical. And then, O, say, we would like, sleep in the same bed, she being a student and all, she only has one bed. It's king-size, we'll have enough space, and it's just friends. I'm just doing my brother a favour by not being home right now, that's all. Nothing'll happen, I promised my girl, and I promised myself.
But, Carpe Diem, right? Right. Choices choices. Overall, I spent 17.2 hours in her bed and got about 4 hours of sleep.

I know I was wrong, and I know I'll probably have to tell my girl, and that'll be the end of that period in my life. Probably. But, could I have helped it?
Could I have controlled myself if I had wanted to? I'm a man, and despite all the things they say about themselves, they have no self-control.

But well, I guess I'll have to tell her then, won't I? Yes, that would be the best thing to do. And accept the consequences.
There you have the whole story. That being said, I have only one line to sling at you:

Morituri te salutant, ave...
They, who are going to die, salute you... hail.

[Type]

sorry dat ik topic ga schoppen, maar this kinda pisses me off.

Ik heb een weekje geleden ofzo ook een topic geopend, entitled "Dit ben ik". Dat was een huiswerk opdracht voor CKV1, en daar kreeg ik wel reacties op.

En dan probeer je eindelijk weer eens iets te schrijven dat je voor jezelf schrijft, en niet domme blaat-onzin om je leraar te verwarren, en dan krijg je GEEN reacties...

That kinda pisses me off. As I said before.

Vandaar de schop.

[Vlooienband]

Engels lezen kost meer tijd voor sommige mensen. Ik heb ook al eerder gezegd dat ik heel weinig op andere verhalen kan reageren, maar goed.
Vandaag, dus deze avond, ga ik het lezen. Net als andere verhalen die ik ook niet niet door tijdgebrek heb kunnen lezen, maar dat red ik niet allemaal op één avond. Geduld, geduld.

[Psychopath]

DE BLAUWE LETTERS ZIJN VERREKTE IRRITAND


voor de rest is het een best goed verhaaltje

[Type]

Scimmia schreef op 12-03-2003 @ 20:29:
Engels lezen kost meer tijd voor sommige mensen. Ik heb ook al eerder gezegd dat ik heel weinig op andere verhalen kan reageren, maar goed.
Vandaag, dus deze avond, ga ik het lezen. Net als andere verhalen die ik ook niet niet door tijdgebrek heb kunnen lezen, maar dat red ik niet allemaal op één avond. Geduld, geduld.

Dat engels lezen moeilijker is, ala, geen probleem.
En dat je weinig tijd hebt om te reageren, ook geen probleem.

Maar ik denk dat je je wel kan voorstellen dat het -voorzichtig gezegd- vervelend is als je op iets waar je helemaal geen moeite voor gedaan hebt en geen plezier in had wel feedback krijgt, en op iets dat je ECHT schrijft, dat je daar niets op terug hoort.

En vandaar mijn vorige reactie... Maar bedankt dat je tijd vrij maakt

[Vlooienband]

I know, ik begrijp het helemaal. Daarom vind ik het ook zo klote dat ik weinig tijd heb.



Leuke intro. Pakkend, maar niet héél pakkend. Gewoon, leuk.
Je begin meteen al een beetj geïrriteerd/boos te doen, zonder dat wij de echte reden goed weten.

Het tweede stuk is geinig. Af en toe wordt het wat saai, maar over het algemeen is het prettig te lezen en boeiend. Het stukje met dat meisje is wel geinig, maar overbodig. Je schetst jezelf nu alleen meer neer als een lazy bastard die geen zin heeft om dingen te ondernemen, terwijl je dat later nog eens bijna letterlijk zegt. Lezers zijn niet dom, die hebben dit zo ook wel door.
Goed, later kom je wel op haar terug. Toch blijft het een vreemd stuk.

Derde stuk is oké.

Vierde stuk is goed. Waarheden, ook.

Vijfde stuk is ook oké.

Zesde stuk is... je dringt ineens het auctorieële perspectief heel erg op, da's minder. (regel één: "to prevent... time now")
Daarna verlies ik mijn aandacht... het boeit me niet meer. Misschien omdat je vanaf daar téveel gaat filosoferen, doordenken, doordrammen haast.

Vanaf het stuk "Where is the balance in life" verander je van een sympathiek persoon naar een klootzak. Een egoïstische, op seks-gefocussde klootzak. Niet tof.

Nope, geen leuk einde. Het midden was goed, though.

Spelling, stijl

Cijfers staan, voluit geschreven, mooier.
Je wisselt van tijden. Verleden tijd, voltooide tijd én tegenwoordige tijd in één verhaal, da's niet pluis.
"favourite disco> It's one of those"
Waarom die pijl, schrijf de link zelf, in plaats van symbolen te gebruiken. Je schrijft een verhaal, geen gebruiksaanwijzing.
"trying to stop smoking"
Is het niet to quit smoking?
"She radiates"
Radiates? Klopt dat, zoiets gebruik je toch alleen maar in combinatie met röntgenstraling?
"new year" hoort met hoofdletters.
"you must admit, o'erpurching"
Huh?
"nothing'll"
Hoort/staat niet
"spend a few hours with"
Spent, toch?

[Type]

Scimmia schreef op 12-03-2003 @ 21:35:
Spelling, stijl

Cijfers staan, voluit geschreven, mooier.
Bij tijden en derg ook? Ook bij veelvuldig aanhalen van cijfers?

Je wisselt van tijden. Verleden tijd, voltooide tijd én tegenwoordige tijd in één verhaal, da's niet pluis.
True, maar het leest wel beter.

"favourite disco> It's one of those"
Waarom die pijl, schrijf de link zelf, in plaats van symbolen te gebruiken. Je schrijft een verhaal, geen gebruiksaanwijzing.
De > zit boven de . Ik heb waarschijnlijk shift per ongeluk ingedrukt. Die pijl moet gewoon een punt zijn.

"trying to stop smoking"
Is het niet to quit smoking?
Kan allebei

"She radiates"
Radiates? Klopt dat, zoiets gebruik je toch alleen maar in combinatie met röntgenstraling?
Stralen. Je kunt toch ook in het Nederlands 'stralen'?
En "to radiate light" kan bijv ook.

"new year" hoort met hoofdletters.
True, true... excuses.

"you must admit, o'erpurching"
Huh?
Shakespeare! Romeo & Juliet.

With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
And what love can do that dares love attempt;

Ik heb alleen o'erperch verkeerd geschreven. Moet dus met een e, ipv met een u.

"nothing'll"
Hoort/staat niet
IYHO. Het kan wel, aangezien het hele stuk al in casual style is geschreven. Qua stijl zou het dus kunnen.

"spend a few hours with"
Spent, toch?
True, true, so very true. Shit. Fout.

IIG Thx voor de feedback

[Vlooienband]

Cijfers staan, voluit geschreven, mooier. [/b]
Bij tijden en derg ook? Ook bij veelvuldig aanhalen van cijfers?

Je wisselt van tijden. Verleden tijd, voltooide tijd én tegenwoordige tijd in één verhaal, da's niet pluis.
True, maar het leest wel beter.

Jep, ook dan..

Je pleegt stijlbreuk, zowel bij het Shakespearian stuk, als het stuk met de tijden. Het laatste vind ik echt... fout.

[prulleke]

my brother's getting some booty from his girlfriend, and wants me out of the house, and I would spend the night with this friend of mine.

Thnx for that! Ik vind het erg goed geschreven, en het feit dat je verandert van sentimenteel/beter gezegd lief en romantisch, naar op sex-beluste puber valt me eigenlijk best mee. Je stijl blijft een beetje in de trant van My Little Yesterday, maar hier zou ik niks aan veranderen. Het wordt als het ware je trademark.
Ik vond het vooral leuk, omdat ik m e levendig kan voorstellen hoe alles ging/gaat, maar dat is natuurlijk niet zo verwonderlijk

Ik mail je vanavond nog wel wat, misschien post ik mijn 'vertalingen' hier nog wel

[Type]

prulleke schreef op 13-03-2003 @ 19:44:
Ik vond het vooral leuk, omdat ik m e levendig kan voorstellen hoe alles ging/gaat, maar dat is natuurlijk niet zo verwonderlijk

Tja, jij kent mij ook, je kent 'mijn engelt', die andere meid ken je, mijn broer ken je... Ik bedoel, natuurlijk kan je je dan voorstellen hoe het geweest zou zijn...