Oud 18-01-2009, 16:06
SacredRose
Avatar van SacredRose
SacredRose is offline
sorry dat het verhaal in het engels is, maar dat vindt ik fijner schrijven.

Whit the last smoke of his cigarette.
He puts it out on the Floor and gets up. As he checks what time it is he walks down the stairs of the building site. As he looks outside he can still see the sun setting in the twilight. On a slow pace he starts walking to his home. He walks awhile before the smell of the smoke is out of his clothes. He stops by the local supermarket to buy new chewing gum. At First sights he seems like a normal boy. But behind his eyes there is a World full of pain and sorrow. Regret too what he has done at this Young age. At the verge of becoming suicidal. The thought of being the only one with this much sorrow torments him. His parents constantly are fighting over the small stuff. Not caring about their son. The kids at his school hate him. With the only reason that he is different than they are.
The last drop from the bottle.
She puts the bottle down and looks up to the ceiling thinking about everything that has already happened to her. Her parent hate her because she is different and doesn’t believe in Christ. One night they even told her that she was an evil girl and would end up in hell for all the things that she has done already. But to the outside World they look like a happy family. She dresses all black and is called gothic allot the kids on her school make a fool of her every time she walks by. She gets up and looks out of the window. After watching the sunset she decides to go home. The road to her house is long and cold.
Waking up in a cold bed.
I get up and close the open window. I press the button on my computer and I can hear how the fan in the back starts spinning. For a while I sit and listen to the sound of it. I lift my arm and press the on button of my screen. I slowly see letters appear on it. I move my mouse to the bottom of the screen to see what date it is. Saturday 12 January 2004. For a couple of seconds I sit looking at the date thinking what I should do on a day like this.
Waking up in shock.
As she quickly rises to see what just happened. She sees her cat jumping from the bed. As she sits she can feel the headache come. She thinks to herself. Why did I drink this much. I really should quit. With a sigh she drops herself back on bed. And looks at her ceiling were a clock projects the date and time. Nine o’clock Saturday 12 January 2004. With another sigh she starts thinking about what to do.
I put my coat on and go outside
It was a cold and gloomy. As michiel walks down the street. As he walks he was pondering about what to do. He was heading towards the shops. As he walked through the different streets. He stopped and watched the children playing in a small park. Thinking by himself “ geez what would I love to go back to when I was that age, nothing to care about”. as he starts walking again a small tear rolls down his face. One of many to come?
After a while he arrives in at the shops. As usual he goes to the (DVD shop). As he enters he looks around and see that it is pretty calm. As he looks further in to the store he sees a girl of almost the same age standing at the horror section. As he walks to the back of the store. He gets this eerie feeling as if something bad is going to happen. As he walks up to the horror section he starts looking through the DVDs he takes one out to read what it says. After a while the girl taps michiel on the shoulder as he turns to look at her. He sees she moves her hair away from her face she then looks down for a second. “Gathering here courage I guess“. She looks back up and energetically says HI to me. I looked at her surprised and say HI too. She looks away to a movie she is holding. ”how are you doing? She asks. “same as always, what about you? Michiel replies. “same as always” she says kind of taunting. “well then, what is your usual? Michiel asks. “not so well” . “well then we share the same usual” michiel says.
They both keep silent and look at each other. Then both of them smile at each other and they start laughing.
“So what is your name boy?. “ my name is: michiel, what is your name?. I’m Sandra. “ Do you like horror movies”. yup, I like them very much, do you?. “ Same here I got a nice collection”/ “ cool, me too, where are you going right now?. “ Dunno I guess I’ll just go and hang around town a bit” she replies to michiel.” you mind if I go with you, I don’t feel like going home already?. “Sure I can use a little company” she says smiling to michiel. After we paid we went to the outer part of the city where they are building new houses. As we walk across the empty building sites Sandra grabs my arm and pulls me into one of the house. She grabs something to sit on. As she sits down she asks if michiel would mind if she put up a cigarette. “I won’t mind, I think I’ll do the same” while michiel is trying to get the package of cigarettes out of his pocket. ”You know smoking is bad for you, don’t you” Sandra said with a smile. “I know, but smoking calms me down”. “it keeps me calm too”. “Sandra how come you weren’t feeling that well?. “Do you really want to know?. “yes at least something inside of me wants to know”. “I guess I can talk to it about you”. “you know what it is like when your parents are always fighting and shouting right in front of you or what it is like to have everybody from your school to dislike you?. “ Yes I kind of know how that feels”. “My parents are constantly fighting over everything and sometimes they even blame me and the kids on my school all think I’m some crazy girl who will do anything for money”. “And sometimes I just don’t know anymore what I want to do”. “ I mean nobody likes me and sometimes I think they might be better off without me”. “I know how you feel, most kids hate me because I’m different, and my parents are always mad at me”. “ guess we got the same problem then” as Sandra gets up to take a look out of the window. As I watch her hanging on the window sill. Her eyes are full of sorrow.
And then I remember.
Those children of this morning. So careless and free. I get up and join her together we look at the house on the other side. I’m looking for the right words, what should I say. “ you know, this morning I saw a couple of kids playing” I say.” what about them, did anything happen?”. “ no but I was just wandering when the last time I felt so free and careless was”. “ oh. I guess it would be a long time for me, what about you?”. “ I really wouldn’t know”. “what would it take to feel like that again?” she asks me while she turns her head to look at me.” I don’t know”. for awhile she is silence and then I feel her hand on my shoulder.” tag you’re it”. I look surprised at her as she starts running. I decide to chase her. I quickly follow her downstairs. And run after her across the room. After awhile we’re both tired and go back to where our stuff are. “ why did you tag me?” I ask Sandra. She looks at me and says
“I just wanted to feel free again”.
“come on admit it”. “admit what?” as I look at a girl with a big smile. “ that it was fun and you felt free”. she was right. I completely forgot about everything and I enjoyed it.” you’re right it was a lot of fun”. I can still remember her eyes were filled with joy and looked like the ones from a small kid.” do you know how late it is”. “let me take a look”.” it is 21:00”. “I guess we should be going back home right?” I ask. Sandra sighs and replies to me.” I guess you’re right”. “ let’s see each other again tomorrow”. “I’m fine with that” She responds to michiel invitation. “ how about eleven o’clock in front of the DVD store?”. “ okay I’ll try to be on time”.

laat me weten wat je ervan vindt enzo. het is nog niet af dat weet ik.
Met citaat reageren
Advertentie
Oud 18-01-2009, 16:54
flyaway
Avatar van flyaway
flyaway is offline
Je Engels is niet bijzonder goed, het verhaal boeit me maar het matige Engels verstoort de leespret zodanig dat ik me er met moeite doorheen trek. Jammer, want het ziet er verder wel goed uit
Waarom probeer je het niet nog eens in het Nederlands? Wel leuk dat je schrijft, trouwens
Met citaat reageren
Oud 18-01-2009, 17:02
SacredRose
Avatar van SacredRose
SacredRose is offline
dat weet ik.
maar ik schijf in het engels, omdat mijn nederlands vaak slechter is dan mijn engels.
maar ik zal het een keer proberen in het nederlands,
Met citaat reageren
Oud 19-01-2009, 15:18
Geel
Avatar van Geel
Geel is offline
Je idee is prachtig. Maar ik vind het jammer dat je engels nog niet goed genoeg is voor zo'n tekst, maar wat je 'intended meaning' is mooi.

Even over je engels. Je maakt een paar klassieke fouten. Het is 'what time is it' en niet 'how late is it' . Verder zou je meer witregels kunnen gebruiken om de gesprekken duidelijker te maken. Je gebruikt ook Nederlandse uitdrukkingen die in het Engels niet bestaan. Probeer uit te vinden hoe je bepaalde dingen in het Engels zijn. (Bijv. 'pretty calm' als in 'het is rustig' is een beetje scheef. Je zou eerder 'quiet' kunnen zeggen.)

Ondanks de Engelse fouten vind ik dat je goed kan schrijven. Je hebt, naar mijn mening, mooie ideeën en als je meer oefent zullen je verhalen veel beter worden. (Practice makes perfect )
__________________
Ik klop op de deur van de steen. / 'Ik ben het, doe open.' // 'Ik heb geen deur,' zegt de steen.
Met citaat reageren
Oud 20-01-2009, 16:59
Roosje
Avatar van Roosje
Roosje is offline
^ Practice makes permanent, not necessarily perfect.
Maar dan nog.
__________________
Veel lopen, langzaam water drinken.
Met citaat reageren
Oud 21-01-2009, 15:47
Geel
Avatar van Geel
Geel is offline
Citaat:
^ Practice makes permanent, not necessarily perfect.
Maar dan nog.
Het is een uitdrukking
__________________
Ik klop op de deur van de steen. / 'Ik ben het, doe open.' // 'Ik heb geen deur,' zegt de steen.
Met citaat reageren
Oud 23-01-2009, 13:15
SacredRose
Avatar van SacredRose
SacredRose is offline
dit is nog een stukje van het verhaal. ik heb een beetje op de uitdrukkingen gelet. ik hoop dat het iets beter is.

A road as cold as usual but slightly warmer.
As we walk down the same road we came for the first time it didn’t seem so cold. After awhile we split ways. On the road back alone I put my hands in my pocket and I feel a pack of cigarettes. And I think. About the day and how I didn’t feel the urge to smoke. I think to myself it probably was because I wasn’t home all day. As I walk up to the front door and open it the dogs begin to bark. I close the door behind me and kneel down to pet our smallest dog and give the biggest one a hug. I get up again and put my DVDs on the stairs and hang my coat. I walk into the room to say that I’m back. “ I’m back”. “ were have you been you have been gone all day”. “don’t worry I was with a new friend of mine”. “ next time let it know if you are gonna be gone all day”. “ I will mom I’m sorry”. I guess I should have seen it coming.” were is dad?”. “ he’s asleep”.” but it’s just nine thirty?”. “ did you forget we’ll be going on a business trip tomorrow. So grandma will come to make dinner in the evening”. “ oh yeah I totally forgot, but I’m going to bed”. “ see you next week. Sleep tight”. I guess
my mother is nice when she is not arguing. I get ready to go to bed. And i fall asleep pretty quick.
A day to remember.
As Sandra walks home from spending her day with her new friend michiel. She wonders why she spoke to him. What was this feeling she had when he stood next to her. Like she felt that he was the same as her. And then she thinks that this is definitely a day to remember. She walks up to her front door and opens it. Her mother comes in to the hallway. “ Sandra where have you been all day!?”.” sorry mom I was with a friend”.” that still isn’t a good reason to come home this late you still are only 13 years old you shouldn’t be wandering the streets alone”. “ I know but I wasn’t completely alone”. “ then who was this friend you’re talking about?”. “ his name is michiel. And I met him in the DVD shop today”.” so now you are calling some boy you just met your friend?, how old is he?”. “ yes, he is a year younger than me”. “ well you should be lucky your dad isn’t here”. “ why isn’t dad here?”. “ he needed to do some work because we will go visit family tomorrow”. “ okay how late will you be going tomorrow?”.” eleven o’clock, why?”. nothing I thought maybe I still see you tomorrow morning but I don’t know”. “ okay sleep tight Sandra I’m going to bed”. “ sleep tight mom“. she could have seen it coming that she was going to get scolded as soon as she came home. As she enters her chamber her cat runs towards her. Begging for food Sandra quickly opens her closet and grabs some food for the cat and feeds him. As she gets ready for bed she wonders why she didn’t had the urge to drink.
Another round made.
As michiel wakes up for the first time without that sad feeling he walks to his desk and sits down. He starts his computer and listens to fan which starts rotating. After listening to it for awhile he activates his screen. And he sees his desktop appear. He moves his mouse down to the corner and checks the time. Ten o’clock. I decide to get dressed I eat something and set out for the DVD shop. I arrive at eleven o’clock and sit down on a bench. Sandra isn’t here yet so I wait.
Dressed to go.
She woke up with a smile that morning looking up at her ceiling nine o’clock. She pets her cat and changes clothes. She grabs her mp3-player and gets back in bed. She puts one ear in and starts listening to music. Around 10 for eleven her parents leave. She quickly gets out of bed and puts on her coat and starts walking to the DVD shop. She arrives about five minutes after eleven and sees michiel sitting on the bench. With a smile she approaches him. “ heya”. “ Sandra you came I thought you forgot about it or something”. “ silly you michiel I wouldn’t leave you here, wanna go to my place my parents are gone we can watch a movie”. “ sounds cool, we can watch that new movie of yours”. “ cool, let’s go”. as she grabs my hand and pulls me off the bench I follow her to her home.
Met citaat reageren
Oud 24-01-2009, 10:13
Roosje
Avatar van Roosje
Roosje is offline
Citaat:
Het is een uitdrukking
Dat weet ik! Maar deze is meer waar.
__________________
Veel lopen, langzaam water drinken.
Met citaat reageren
Oud 29-01-2009, 15:26
Reynaert
Avatar van Reynaert
Reynaert is offline
Plaats maar een keer iets in het Nederlands want je Engels is bijzonder matig.
Met citaat reageren
Advertentie
Reageren

Topictools Zoek in deze topic
Zoek in deze topic:

Geavanceerd zoeken

Regels voor berichten
Je mag geen nieuwe topics starten
Je mag niet reageren op berichten
Je mag geen bijlagen versturen
Je mag niet je berichten bewerken

BB code is Aan
Smileys zijn Aan
[IMG]-code is Aan
HTML-code is Uit

Spring naar

Soortgelijke topics
Forum Topic Reacties Laatste bericht
Psychologie Mijn verhaal
Limoentjesfris
9 10-05-2013 18:45
Liefde & Relatie Mijn verhaal
Undertow
21 10-05-2011 15:39
Psychologie Mijn verhaal
PapaRoach<3
11 16-05-2008 20:19
Psychologie wie herkent zich in mijn verhaal?
terror4life
15 28-11-2004 02:10
Verhalen & Gedichten mijn verhaal over het korte leven van een jong meisje
Verwijderd
15 17-05-2003 22:55
Psychologie Mijn verhaal
kissssssss
42 15-04-2003 15:04


Alle tijden zijn GMT +1. Het is nu 06:44.