Eng. korte samenvatting

[sten-vvv]

Hallo,
Ik heb een samenvatting van het begin van het boek gemaakt.
Klopt deze samenvatting? of zitten er nog wat foutjes in?

Bedankt!!



Beginning of the book:

It’s was chilly day and it was snowing.Susie Salmon took a shortcut through the cornfield back from the junior high, Susies school.It was already dark out when she leaves the school.She walked through the cornfield, unsuspecting, and her only aim is to go home very quickly.But than, at the moment that she stuck out her tongue to taste a snowflake she meets him, Mr. Harvey.A gruesome man from her neighborhood. At the beginning Susie isn’t quite unaware of anything but after a while she gets nervous. Mr. Harvey ask Susie to go along with him and watch what he has built. Susie gets terrified but dare not to reject him.When she reach the place of calamity Mr. Harvey obliges her to go inside and look what he has made.Susie hesitates a little bit but she knows that she can’t refuse him.And than after a few minutes it happens, Mr. Harvey rapes Susie and kills her after(wards).

Ik heb je zinsopbouw zoveel mogelijk hetzelfde gelaten om niet teveel aan jouw schrijfstijl te veranderen, dus op sommige plekken is het nog steeds geen 'mooi' Engels. Maar voor iemand van jouw leeftijd is het zeker goed genoeg

sten-vvv schreef op 04-05-2006 @ 16:55 :
Beginning of the book:

It’s was a chilly day and it was snowing. Susie Salmon took a shortcut through the cornfield on her way back from junior high, Susie’s school. It was already dark outside when she left the school. She walked unsuspectingly through the cornfield and her only aim was to get home very quickly. But than, at the moment that she stuck out her tongue to taste a snowflake, she runs into him, Mr. Harvey, a gruesome man from her neighbourhood. At first Susie isn’t quite aware of the situation, but after a while she gets nervous. Mr. Harvey asks Susie to go along with him to see what he has built. Susie gets terrified but is too scared to reject him. When they reach the place of the calamity (wat bedoel je met calamity in deze situatie?), Mr. Harvey forces her to go inside and look at what he has made. Susie hesitates a little bit, but she knows that she can’t refuse him. After a few minutes it happens: Mr. Harvey rapes Susie. Afterwards he kills her.

[mathfreak]

*ik geef hieronder de tekst met de nodige correcties weer*

Beginning of the book:

It was a chilly day and it was snowing. Susie Salmon took a shortcut through the cornfield back from the Junior High, Susies school. It was already dark outside when she left the school. She walked through the cornfield, unsuspecting, and her only aim was to go home very quickly. But then, at the moment that she stuck out her tongue to taste a snowflake she met him, Mr. Harvey, a gruesome man from her neighbourhood. At the beginning Susie was not quite aware of anything, but after a while she got nervous. Mr. Harvey asked Susie to go along with him and see what he had built. Susie got terrified but did not dare to reject him. When she reached the place of calamity Mr. Harvey told her to go inside and see what he had made.Susie hesitated a little bit but she knew that she could not refuse. And then after a few minutes it happened: Mr. Harvey raped Susie and killed her afterwards.

Aangezien je de samenvatting begon in de verleden tijd moet je die ook consequent toepassen, vandaar dat ik overal de tegenwoordige tijd door de verleden tijd heb vervangen.

[Not for Sale]

Beide suggesties bevatten wel goede verbeteringen, maar beide laten ook enkele dingen liggen. Het is zoals Laurens zegt 'unsuspectingly' en zoals mathfreak zegt 'but then'

Not for Sale schreef op 04-05-2006 @ 19:16 :
Beide suggesties bevatten wel goede verbeteringen, maar beide laten ook enkele dingen liggen. Het is zoals Laurens zegt 'unsuspectingly' en zoals mathfreak zegt 'but then'

Oe, die had ik over het hoofd gezien

[Dinalfos]

Not for Sale schreef op 04-05-2006 @ 19:16 :
'unsuspectingly'

Gelet op de zinsopbouw hoeft dat "ly" er helemaal niet achter. Hoewel die zinsopbouw van zichzelf niet zo fraai is, maar dat terzijde.

[sten-vvv]

Hallo, Bedankt dat jullie het eerste stukje hebben nagekeken (vet gedrukt).
Zouden jullie ook even naar het laatste stukje kunnen kijken?
Ik geloof dat er niet veel fout is.
Bedankt!

Summary


Beginning of the book:
When we began to read Susie is already in heaven.She starts to tell us what happened on that day, the day when she goes through a hell.So the novel begins in horror; the rape and murder of Susie Salmon, a 14-year-old girl.Beginning of the book:It was a chilly day and it was snowing. Susie Salmon took a shortcut through the cornfield back from the Junior High, Susies school. It was already dark outside when she left the school. She walked unsuspectingly through the cornfield and her only aim was to go home very quickly. But then, at the moment that she stuck out her tongue to taste a snowflake she met him, Mr. Harvey, a gruesome man from her neighbourhood. At the beginning Susie was not quite aware of anything, but after a while she got nervous. Mr. Harvey asked Susie to go along with him and see what he had built. Susie got terrified but did not dare to reject him. When she reached the place of calamity Mr. Harvey told her to go inside and see what he had made. Susie hesitated a little bit but she knew that she could not refuse. And then after a few minutes it happened: Mr. Harvey raped Susie and killed her afterwards.



Situation, what the book is about:
After all Susie came in heaven.She met another girl, Holly, on her third day in heaven and they ended up sharing their ideal home: a duplex. Franny, their intake counselor, helped them adjust.

In the weeks following her death Susie still sees how her family and friends try to catch the murderer. Nobody knows who the murderer is but Susies father has an idea. He is nearly sure that Mr. Harvey is the killer of his daughter. It is frustating for Susie (and the reader) to see that the murderer isn’t caught yet and to see that her family is broken-hearted about the situation. But it’s also wonderful to see how her family holding out hope that she will be found.

A few days later Susie sees something strange. Her killer, Mr. Harvey, is trying to cover his tracks. This is an emotional moment for her. What she tries to do is send some ‘secret signals’ to earth.With those ‘secret signals’ she wants to say: look I’m here and I have got some information about me/about my body. But vainly, nobody can receive those signals from Susie.

A couple days later Susies father goes into the cornfield. He thought that he heard something from that way. When he walked through the cornfield he heard a voice, but.. a voice from who?When he came out in an open place he got a hard crash on his head.So he ended up in the hospital. But at that moment Susie got a lot of distress.When her father is into the hospital room, her mother is on the corridor with the detective.And after a while, they kissed each other. After a lot of grief and pain her emotion came out.

Later in story we meet Lindsay, Susies girlfriend and classmate. As the story unfolds, it is clear that Lindsay carries the hardest burden, because no one will ever be able to look at her and not think about Susie. She also keeps a watch over Ray Singh, the boy that she liked, the boy that she managed to have one kiss with before her death. And she follows Ruth Connors, who she accidentally brushed against as she was leaving earth.



The ending of the book:
As months pass without leads, Susie sees her parents' marriage being contorted by loss, her sister hardening herself in an effort to stay strong, and her little brother trying to grasp the meaning of the word gone.

Topics samengevoegd; de post hierboven past namelijk prima in dit topic.

[Not for Sale]

Dinalfos schreef op 05-05-2006 @ 01:27 :
Gelet op de zinsopbouw hoeft dat "ly" er helemaal niet achter. Hoewel die zinsopbouw van zichzelf niet zo fraai is, maar dat terzijde.

Mwa, ja, ik denk dat je gelijk hebt. En ik zou er dan "She was walking through the corn field unsuspectingly..." van maken

[mathfreak]

*ik geef hieronder opnieuw de tekst met de nodige correcties weer*
Situation, what the book is about:
After being killed Susie comes in heaven. On her third day in heaven she meets another girl, Holly, and they end up sharing their ideal home: a duplex. Franny, their intake counselor, helps them to adjust.

In the weeks following her death Susie still sees how her family and friends try to catch the murderer. Nobody knows who the murderer is but Susie's father has a suspicion. He is nearly sure that Mr. Harvey is the killer of his daughter.
*je zou hier ook "that Mr. Harvey is his daughter's killer" kunnen gebruiken*
It is frustating for Susie (and the reader) to see that the murderer is not caught yet, and to see that her family is broken-hearted about the situation. But it’s also wonderful to see how her family remains hopeful that she will be found.
*dit suggereert dat Mr. Harvey het lichaam van Susie heeft laten verdwijnen, iets dat je echter niet hebt vermeld*

A few days later Susie sees something strange. Her killer, Mr. Harvey, is trying to cover his tracks. This is an emotional moment for her. What she tries to do is to send some ‘secret signals’ to earth. With these ‘secret signals’ she wants to say: look, I’m here and I have got some information about me/about my body. But vainly, nobody can receive those signals from Susie.

A couple of days later Susies father goes into the cornfield. He thinks that he heard something from there. When he walks through the cornfield he hears a voice, but.. a voice from who(m)? When he comes out in an open place he gets a hard crash on his head, so he ends up in hospital. But at that moment Susie gets a lot of distress. While her father is in the hospital room, her mother is in the corridor with the detective. And after a while, they kiss each other.
*deze detective heb je nog niet eerder genoemd, dus waar komt die vandaan?*
After a lot of grief and pain Susie's emotion comes out.

Later in the story we meet Lindsay, Susies girlfriend and classmate. As the story unfolds, it is clear that Lindsay carries the hardest burden, because no one will ever be able to look at her and not think about Susie. Susie also keeps a watch over Ray Singh, the boy that she liked, the boy that she managed to have one kiss with before her death. And she follows Ruth Connors, who she accidentally brushed against as she was leaving earth.



The ending of the book:
As months pass without leads, Susie sees her parents' marriage being contorted by loss, her sister hardening herself in an effort to stay strong, and her little brother trying to grasp the meaning of the word gone.

Je begon in de verleden tijd in je inleiding van waar het boek over gaat, maar als je bij de zin "Later in the story we meet Lindsay" aankomt loop je daarmee dus vast, omdat je dan van de verleden tijd in de tegenwoordige tijd overgaat, vandaar dat ik dus overal de tegenwoordige tijd heb gebruikt. Ook nu geldt dus dat je consequent moet zijn in het gebruik van je tijdsvorm.

[Nona]

Ik vraag me af of er, als duidelijk is welke school bedoeld wordt, wel een lidwoord voor "school" moet.

[mathfreak]

Kruimel schreef op 07-05-2006 @ 11:40 :
Ik vraag me af of er, als duidelijk is welke school bedoeld wordt, wel een lidwoord voor "school" moet.

Er komt alleen een lidwoord voor als je aan het gebouw zelf denkt, en niet aan het gebruik van het gebouw.