17-02-2003, 17:47
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driving me insane
shadows drifting across my vision is today you're gonna finish your mission? I turn back, stare into black my heart beats faster, I wait for an attack nothing comes I run wrong I don't even know what I'm really running from running from my problems when they're in my head I need to solve something quick before I'm death whisper whisper li'l devil crack open the dark sheet and get things level turn around come charging again out my window it's really quite vivid the imagine is sharp even tho it's not clear that's what's really coming near I think it's you coming to finish what you started the world to come finish what it's started but my own insanity I have been outsmarted CHORUS driving me insane playing it's mind games all this mental pain is it here to stay? driving me insane from day to day all this fucked up pain why won't it go away? dead, cold in the siol of hate is that what you wanted me to embrace? your bullshit ideas rule my head remembering the things you said... it's something I can't get ris of it's just to hard to think what you do why should I even fucking listen to you? what you've done to create this feeling has paranoid me against the things I'm dealing (with) I can't control the shadows that cause me to freak I can't see anymore it's just to bleek it's all fuzzy but I'm to scared to remember if I did, would it make anything better? CHORUS alone in my corner, by myself trapped inside, lost in hell only to witness this lost of sanity I look at the mirror, and what's standing in front of me? it's a waste of mind, a waste of time a waste of a backbone, my mental spine is washed away, torn again this is darkness, the winding sound from within I listen to this words, finding ways against again and again I'm brought to my lengths a demon withing, ripping me apart from mymind to my soul shreding through my heart leaving nothing in it's path, but contrentation I don't know if this is real, or my imagination I pray and see a light, but it dimly fades so walk away from me and close the shades CHORUS (whispered) I close my eyes, open them to see the same darkness no vision filling me with fear I close my eyes and see the same coldness numbed, the end must be near at night, all the noises... my mind, all the voices... my life, all the choises, choises, choises.... [ja dit was m.... ik ben er niet echt tevreden over, vooral het chorus niet, en ik hoop dat iemand aanwijzingen heeft hoe ik het zou kunnen verbeteren ofzo] 
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17-02-2003, 17:53
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shadows drifting across my vision
is today you're gonna finish your mission? I turn back, stare into black my heart beats faster, I wait for an attack nothing comes I run wrong I don't even know what I'm really running from running from my problems when they're in my head I need to solve something quick before I'm death whisper whisper li'l devil crack open the dark sheet and get things level turn around come charging again out my window it's really quite vivid the imagine is sharp even though it's not clear that's what's really coming near I think it's you coming to finish what you started the world to come finish what it's started but my own insanity I have been outsmarted CHORUS driving me insane playing it's mind games all this mental pain is it here to stay? driving me insane from day to day all this fucked up pain why won't it go away? dead, cold in the soil of hate is that what you wanted me to embrace? your bullshit ideas rule my head remembering the things you said... it's something I can't get risk? of it's just to hard to think what you do why should I even fucking listen to you? what you've done to create this feeling has paranoid me against the things I'm dealing (with) I can't control the shadows that cause me to freak I can't see anymore it's just to bleak? it's all fuzzy but I'm to scared to remember if I did, would it make anything better? CHORUS alone in my corner, by myself trapped inside, lost in hell only to witness this lost of sanity I look at the mirror, and what's standing in front of me? it's a waste of mind, a waste of time a waste of a backbone, my mental spine is washed away, torn again this is darkness, the winding sound from within I listen to this words, finding ways against again and again I'm brought to my lengths a demon within?, ripping me apart from my mind to my soul shredding through my heart leaving nothing in it's path, but contrentation??? I don't know if this is real, or my imagination I pray and see a light, but it dimly fades so walk away from me and close the shades CHORUS (whispered) I close my eyes, open them to see the same darkness no vision filling me with fear I close my eyes and see the same coldness numbed, the end must be near at night, all the noises... my mind, all the voices... my life, all the choices, choices, choices.... [paar foutjes... verder even geen tijd]
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~ Maybe it won’t last forever, but who says the best loves do ~ November is all I know, and all I ever wanted to know ~
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20-02-2003, 16:05
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... -kwenie wat t voor'n text is.. maar lijkt wel een beetje Urban ofso...zet er wat meer Urban elementen in (kledingmerken, crystal, cars, cash, girls, drugs, tv-personalities...etc)
-haal in ieder geval een paar herhalingen eruit-> dit element pas je net iets te veel toe -Ook moet je er 's op gaan letten of het wel in een song past (als het voor een song is natuurlijk...), je eerste verse is vrij kort in vergelijking tot de laatste twee... probeer ze 's gelijk te krijgen. -haal ook de standaard rijmwoorden eruit (pain/insane/game), probeer hier iets originelers voor te verzinnen. verder lijkt ie me voor een text waarvan je zelf nog niet helemaal zeker bent wel redelijk ok... beetje verfijnen en aanscherpen alleen....
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Lyrically Yourzzz - tha Cit
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20-02-2003, 18:03
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Verwijderd
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te veel rijm imo
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20-02-2003, 20:46
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Citaat:
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~Life is like death, without it you're alive!~Regim change begins at home!~Death as only remedy!
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23-02-2003, 03:10
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urban?
 hmm kgeloof dat je het meer in de trand moet zoeken van rustige rock muziek met een redelijk lekker ritme erin en af ent oe een uitstoot van de drums kweenie hoor maar het kan alles zijn kweetniet watvoornmuziek mijn vriendin van houd  kvinnum wel leuk, en het commentaar van Cit alleen dan zijn eerste stukje behoort niet tot mijn commentaar dus geen urban maar nog 1 ding: sommige van je zinnen zijn nogal lang, als je als 2e stap een ritme arachter douwt, dan worden het van die gezongen stukken waarbij je je adem gaat inhouden , dat soort dingen kan je heel makkelijk oplossen door er gewoon een ladig komma's tussen te zetten, maar op zich is dat niet echt een probleem.Kdenk dta je het gewoon zo kan laten en af en toe wat woorden verwisselen, want ik douwde mijn gitaar daaronder *jaah improvisatie* en t klonk op zich wel leuk, maar sommige zinnen waren beetje aan de lastige kant om een goed ritme in te vinden, want als je in een nr elke zin in een ander ritme doet, jah duh dan klinkt het niet idee: we kunnen morgen, lees vandaag (als jij dit leest), dus zondag. wel kijken of dit wat is voor de band kiz luv u
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