nieuw gedichtje(engels)

[dark_poetry]

Crawling to a place to hide
While the alcohol begins to work
Frightened of the future, but i have my pride
Trying to communicate but still out of reach

While the raging wind begins to blow
I see the beauty of the dizzy moon in its full size
hundreds of questions but the answers, I just don’t know
Tired of the daily struggle with all its filthy lies
I take another nip of my wine

Don’t like people much, somehow lonely
the indescribable beauty of the night
It feels like walking over a knifes edge
Raped of all the light

Keeping strolling further, there she was
Her body dirty but with lust-full eyes
I started to cry
lets run into the high mountains with our black flag
She grabbed my hand without asking why
But she knew they would find us

[Dreamerfly]

Het begint vind ik nog wel aardig, al vind ik het niet bijster orgineel, ik vind het toch wel mooie zinnen/verwoordingen(ik houd wel van natuuraspecten), wel sad zeg!. De laatste strofe vind ik niet mooi. Het lijkt te snel zijn afgemaakt o.i.d en niet af.

Wat betreft de grammatica, ask someone else

[dark_poetry]

hij is nog niet af moet idd nog t gedicht bijwerken en stukken veranderen en denk nog wat meer stukjes bij te schrijven maar t lukt ff niet,out of inspiration.

[Dreamerfly]

dark_poetry schreef op 04-04-2004 @ 12:31 :
hij is nog niet af moet idd nog t gedicht bijwerken en stukken veranderen en denk nog wat meer stukjes bij te schrijven maar t lukt ff niet,out of inspiration.

Ik wacht af.

[dark_poetry]

Hij is af...

Crawling to a place to hide
While the alcohol begins to work
Frightened of the future, but i have my pride
Trying to communicate but still out of reach

While the raging wind begins to blow
I see the beauty of the dizzy moon in its full size
hundreds of questions but the answers, I just don’t know
Tired of the daily struggle with all its filthy lies
I take another nip of my wine

Don’t like people much, somehow lonely
the indescribable beauty of the night
It feels like walking over a knifes edge
Raped of all the light

Keeping strolling further, there she was
Her body dirty but with lust-full eyes
I started to cry
lets run into the high mountains with our black flag
She grabbed my hand without asking why

Without even one single cent we ran away
never have to listen or obey
that is in our eyes freedom in its purest way
Between large trees there was a house
barricades on windows and our flag on the roof
we crept in silent to it like a mouse

he gave us a warm meal and a room
he was friendly but what is trust?
the old man suddenly disappeared in the mist
and the house was ours as well
together we stood stronger then a raised fist
and from this moment no one shall ever die