escape

[kroepoekje]

Dis best al een oud verhaaltje, let ook niet op het gebrekkige niveau engels waarin het is geschreven.. k heb m 3 jaar geleden gemaakt, tis niet echt autobiografisch geloof ik, sommige stukjes wel misschien, maar niet alles


The world becomes smaller when I turn of the light and look down to the sea. My heart petrifies when I feel the tears. I know that the gravity keeps me down, but I want to fly..
The world sucks, but still I love the taste of it. The abger inside breaks throug the armour I've build in years of loneliness, emptiness and some happiness. The truth tells me lies. My soul evaporates and I love the freedom of being inside myself.
I look down again, and again I look at the sea. The moon shines on the water and a little sparkle reaches my eye. I want to know how it feels to escape and run over this beautiful sea. The vain inside my head is so fragile.
Tonight my life is going to change, and there's only one way to do that. I love the idea of it, but I can't do it, it would kill the sparkle. I have to go on with my fears and loneliness. Why are people afraid to die, it's the most easy thing to do.. maybe they don't know that flying around the world and running over seas is the best thing that could ever happen to a human. It's even better then that night we were here together , his arms around me, his lips touched mine, the last goodbye..
I know what's coming, but I can't fight tears when do don't come anymore.
Maybe I should try and close the gap between my mind and soul, but it's the pain that gives me the strength to go on.
I feel so vain, so fragile, the void is the happiness and I know there is one way to fly.. the only way to fly without breaking the sparkle. It's like he said.. break the sparkle, or break the world..
The only thing in which I really believe is the small and fading sadness that slowly takes over my thoughts.
For one moment I close my eyes and then I'm afraid to open them. The emotions are too strong when I feel the fear and pain going through me. I'd love to cry, but fight the tears even before the come. I realize I'm seeing the black dog run away at the moment it turns around and comes back, to never leabe me alone again.
I'm just gutless, I feel so vain, but also trivial and lonely.
I know the pain is just something I build in years, the years together with him.. the time when we were together, and even more the time I was alone.. since the moment he disappeared I can't even look at this place without a strong will to fly.. I have to do it, not to save the world, not to escape, but because I'd love what's going to happen to me then. We know that, he knew it, he showed me.. back to the place that I belong..
I seems quite pathetic, but I can't ignore it.
So I look down at the sea, it must be for the very last time, I still can turn around now, but in a couple of seconds, maybe longer, I'll fly.. like a bird, like an angels across to the sparkle, I will touch it, but it's not gonna break.. I'll fly and run across the sea, run to the happiness of being outside... outside the world, together with him again...